Is there truly someone out there for everyone?

I hope there is. I'm not too good at finding the right person for myself though.

No, most definitely not. Men are sadistic and evil bastards who are prone to full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I'm through with the whole lot of them.

There is, it's just a matter of finding 'em.

So, you are ready to go back to the breast then?

:)

No there isn't, because some people choose to be alone.

Over half the adult population in America is single. So no, I don't think there is someone for everyone. We would like to think that romantic notion of having a life partner or soul mate is true but the reality is many many people die neglected isolated deaths in America. Have we really evolved as people? I don't think anyone chooses to be lonely.

I think part of the problem is that many people think that finding your soul mate or lover is going to solve a lot of your problems when in fact it often magnifies them.

Another problem is the pervasiveness of American throw away culture. We just ditch things that don't work. That's how we have learned to solve all our problems including relationships that don't work. We treat a lot of lovers like empty detergent bottles after they go empty on their usefulness, when all they really need is a refill.

There is no more one person than there are 10,000,000 people. Much of what love does is bind us to a single person though it does not mean that is the only person. That is a mistake and it's a dreadful one because it limits our horizons. Each person we love brings different things to us. When we fall into the trap of saying there's only one person for us we're creating a conclusion before the premise. Yes, at some point you may find one person who provides all the things you want but it doesn't mean that's the only person.

Romantic ideals of the sort we read of in books and watch in films are no more true in real life than other fantasies. The romantic ideal is actually an example of extreme codependency. Where we lack things in ourselves that make us happy, the other person fulfills and vice versa. It's actually more need of fulfillment than love itself.

The reality is that when we find happiness in who we are as a person, then we attract the kind of mate we need. Yes you have to make an effort to find those people, but you're unlikely to have to go to Outer Mongolia to find him or her. I'm sure this diminishes the beauty of love somewhat yet it is true. People fall in love then out of love, some people are widowed, others simply grow apart. And in all these cases love can find them again if they allow that opportunity. This is why people say, "Stop trying and love will come to you." I've always hated that phrase because it leaves out an important factor. To find the love of your life you have to be in love with your life. Put less cataclysmally, it means we need to find a peaceable balance where we can be happy with ourselves because we know ourselves. When we do that, we won't need a particular person who compensates for our lack of what ever it is we so desperately need but can't find in ourselves.

Potential lovers who have healthy expectations and desires for a relationship can often detect the neediness in you and reject you for it even if for no other reason in that you demand too much of them. They're aware you have needs they cannot satisfy.

Until we can reach satisfaction in ourselves, we're asking the impossible of nearly everyone who might otherwise interest us as me might interest them. Once we are satisfied in ourselves and need nothing from anyone other than love itself, then not only do we attract the people we want, but we become more attractive to them.

Saying that there is ONE person for someone is like saying there is only "one sperm" for an egg. There isn't "just one" -- there's an astronomically huge number of possibilities.

I've had a number of "loves of my life" -- and I feel fortunate for having known each of them.

And I am completely and positively sure that I will never have a shortage of love for the remainder of my hopefully long life.

- - - - - -

Excellent posts, Earllogjam and Jason_ELS. I am glad I read them.

And like Jason I truly believe that a person has to like/love himself and be HAPPY before attracting (or should I say "allowing in") a suitable love.

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Originally Posted by SensualGoth Is there truly someone out there for everyone? Call me bitter, but I don't think so anymore. I know this sounds corny but I have wondered this day after day and night after night.

I'm not sure I have given it as much thought as you have. It was more of a stark realization one day. Some perfectly decent people go through life alone, never meeting "The One" and it sucks, and it's not fair, and there isn't a damn thing to be done about it.

[quote=Lee1972;1079299]Mate, usually the person will come to our lives when you are not looking for him/her..... that happened to me too... we've been together 12 years now! :) Oh please! If I had a dollar for everytime some well meaning, already paired off man or woman has told me that, I could purchase one of those adorable new Bentley Convertibles in British Racing Green with Caramel leather interior which I have been lusting after for ages. Good luck to you but yes I do believe there's always someone for everyone out there.....[/quote] Pffftt! People who already have someone ALWAYS say that!

Quote:

Originally Posted by No_Strings Yes, I believe so; Of course you do! You have MercurialBliss! perhaps more by sheer probability than in any mystical sense.

Now that is truth!

Quote:

Originally Posted by shinybellend Be positive!!!!

ROTFLMAO You haven't been here long have you? It is statistically impossble for Viking1 to express positive thoughts when it comes to love and sex.

There are lots of someones out there for all of us. Sometimes our paths cross for a moment, sometimes a lifetime. Enjoy the time you have to spend together.

Or anything else for that matter...

Some people will never experience love. I'm most sure I'm one of those who won't. I'll most likely die lonely and alone. It's too late, I've given up all hope...

If you've given up all hope why do you still post here all the time fishing for sympathy? Or are you just trying to make everyone else as miserable as you are? Stop being such a cocktease and off yourself already, or go get some Prozac. You desperately need to do one or the other. Both would be almost anti-climactic at this point.

To answer the OP, I hope there's at least 100 or so other someones out there for me that I will run into in my lifetime. That seems more fun than just one. If just one of them is so wonderful that I want to spend every waking moment of the rest of my life with them, great. I'm not going to gauge the success of my life on whether or not I meet a person like that, though.

Don't lose hope. If the right person for you is one in a million, then there are 1300 perfect matches for you living in China right now.

I think the number of "someones" for any given person depends on how closely that person fits the mainstream of society. People who conform have many possible someones. People who have offbeat interests/views, etc. have fewer possible someones.

I am one of the "offbeat" people. Being a nontraditional woman who doesn't want kids has its disadvantages... I have only met one man who would have met all my criteria for "my someone" - except that he was already married. So that one was out... I have also met someone who met enough of my criteria that we have had an open LTR for many years. Unfortunately, there are a couple of issues that keep him from being, to be cliche, "Mr. Right".

But the way I see it, I can have fun in the meantime, and I'm actually not too worried about meeting "Mr. Right" at this time. I think part of it is because I'm too occupied in looking for a job at this time. I think I need to get my act together in that part of my life before I can even think about a serious relationship.

Thanks NIC! You made my evening. I don't mean this sarcastically, either.
I actually laughed at this one. It was the "cocktease" part that was funny.
Me a cocktease? (Unless that word has a different meaning other than the one I'm familiar with.) Me trying to be a cocktease would be like a Manx cat trying to taunt a dog with it's tail, wouldn't it? That's pretty funny. I'm still snickering at this one.