Emotional Affair, have you had one?

I find myself in a position in which I have never been in before and I am not comfortable with it. I found out Thursday that apparently I am the other woman in an emotional affair!


I'm shocked because I thought he and I were just friends. He and I have spent 5 hours a day together for the last 6 weeks. In the last two weeks we started texting each other on weekends, when bored, or whatever. Usually we text/gossip about other people that we don't like. There has never been anything sexual between us. Not a kiss, no hand holding, no cow eyed gazes, nothing of that nature. So I was incredibly shocked as was he when someone mentioned that we should keep it platonic and just be friends. I said of course and just laughed it off and went to get more cake. He stayed and protested rather strongly and loudly. This set off my radar that perhaps something was awry. Apparently others had been calling us the Bobsey Twins, Frick and Frack, etc. behind our backs for like the past month! I had no idea.

Obviously he is married. I have even met his wife a few times. She and I actually have a shopping date planned for the end of the month. Now I wonder if she is thinking I am after her husband? I know she knows who I am, but I doubt she knows that he shares details of their intimate life with me. Yeah, I tried to discourage that initially; but he said he wanted another womans opinion. (Hmmm, was I being played?) Since I am not now, nor have I ever been down with OPP I feel I should confront him about this. Am I being silly?

Have you or your partner/spouse ever had an emotional affair? If it was you, did you realize it was happening or was it pointed out to you by someone else?

Every affair I ever had was emotional... (Just kidding).

Bummer, njqt.

All my life most of my friends have been guys, and it almost always gets difficult. It's too bad because I've had/lost some really good friends because of this very thing. I guess that's why I like gay men -- no worries there.

If I were you, I'd take the high road. Have your shopping trip, etc. But I'd probably also cut back a bit.

I should probably have explained that he and I have been in group therapy for depression and anxiety the past 6 weeks. Which is why I, as well as a few other people know some of the arguments and intimate details of his life with his wife.

I plan to cut back on our time together, which sucks cause he is the first person I have hit it off with since moving here.

Its natural in a setting like that to Buddy around with someone. Sheds a whole new light on everything. I wouldnt worry about his wife. She may thank you for helping her husband.

Aw, kisses, qt. Hugs to you. It's so hard to get out enough to meet more people.

Yeah... I wouldn't worry either. Don't do anything to cut back or make the situation into something it isn't until you talk to the wife and just lay it on the table when the opportunity permits. No doubt she is checking you out to see what you're like. Maybe you're a rival, maybe you're not. She's right to be interested, if not necessarily concerned. Once the wife understands where you're comnig from, what you two have, and what your intentions are, you'll either get a pass or not.

I get the impression that most women dance around issues like this, prefering to speak in double entendre ranging from the wry to the catty. Before that happens, just let her know. The more honest and frank you are, the more you'll put her at ease and maybe it'll make for a great friendship. See this as an opportunity to welcome a friend by necessity into this relationship.

Jason, I completely agree with you. Problem is, the husband COULD be getting emotionally involved. That's the thing to keep in mind. I wouldn't cut back because of the wife (unless of course my own intentions were "impure" ) but if the guy was starting to get too emotionally involved in me, then cutting back a little is the decent thing to do.

The truth? From the vibe I get from nj's first and second post, I don't see that as the case. I think she's his fag hag. Bi guys do have them (as I do). He can be who he is around her with no sexual tension because she is his secret keeper. He can... I don't have a word for it... be gay when he's with her. He can allow that part of his personality, which is otherwise kept closeted, to be expressed. He won't fuck it up by trying anything.

OH dear, njqt466, I am sorry to hear about your predicament.

While we do not know each other, I have read many of your posts and I always find your views balanced and reasonable. It just does not seem fair that such complicated affairs befall such nice people.

May all go well for you.

I think I'd make a real effort to nuture a friendship with the guys wife as well. Who knows, you may hit it off with her too & hey presto, you have two new friends instead of just one!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aitch I think I'd make a real effort to nuture a friendship with the guys wife as well. Who knows, you may hit it off with her too & hey presto, you have two new friends instead of just one!

That was my intent before I knew everyone was calling us the Bobsey Twins. Now I'm not so sure. I think I need to tread very carefully. Their marriage is in an extremely fragile and tenuous state right now, it can't take much more stress.

[quote=yhtang;1049060]OH dear, njqt466, I am sorry to hear about your predicament. He is away for the weekend so I won't get to talk to him until Monday or Tuesday. With any luck I have made a mountain out of a mole hill. While we do not know each other, I have read many of your posts and I always find your views balanced and reasonable. It just does not seem fair that such complicated affairs befall such nice people.
May all go well for you.[/quote] Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate that.