Excessive Promiscuity

See this is what I'm talking about. No offense to simcha, since I assume he's cutting and pasting, but whomever wrote this: what a fucking load of horseshit. Why is looking for sex or love neglecting your life? Just because some uptight shithead in the Senate or working for the Moral Majority or some 12-step program is frustrated because he never gets any, where does he get off deciding what is a worthy pursuit in life and what isn't? Yeah, some people want to work themselves to death at a job they hate so they can buy empty shit like an oversized house or nice clothes to impress all the people at church. Other people want to get married and pop out a couple of kids to keep the endless cycle of pointless genetic self-propagation going. That's all fine and good. If it makes you happy, GREAT.
But maybe to someone finding love IS life. Maybe for them to be happy they just want to surrender themselves completely to someone else.
Maybe there is someone else out there who has no interest in working their way up the corporate ladder or finding a nice girl to settle down with and they get more satisfaction out of having sex than buying into the consumerist nightmare of our society.
Maybe these people have found that by casting off the shackles of social acceptability and expectation, they're actually much happier. If they did, what's wrong with that?

Some people do find something approximating contentment by forcing themselves into a rigid social mold. and if you go to a fucking shrink that's probably what they'll encourage you to do yourself. and some people who struggle with impulsive behavior suffer as a result precisely because they haven't figured out how to let go of this hokey ideal. I think the people who just accept what they are and find a groove for themselves, who embrace their impulses and resist the socialized need to fit in, who can in short just be themselves without worrying about what everyone else thinks is the model of happiness... these people are the ones whom I feel are legitimately happy. The handful out there who make their own way in the world. Meanwhile everyone else hiding behind their white picket fences... they're mostly just pretending. They're keeping up appearances. Seeking anonymous sex in bathrooms. Downloading internet porn behind locked doors. Going to confession and praying for strength to resist the urge to actually live. Lying to themselves every day until finally they start to believe they actually are happy even if deep down they really aren't. ugh.

I must also say I'm not a fan at all of the culture of victimization, or the overuse of the terms addiction and disease. Just in the interest of full disclosure.

And here we go again, trying to be indirectly direct.

There is no hole to fill through the activity. Ever sat down an enjoyed a game of people-watching? Undoubtedly, you have.

Labeling ANYTHING as "bad" or "unhealthy" is a personal opinion and you know very well that you have the same views on other things in life.

Who says the negativity is constant? Negative things are just the most glaring and easy to point a finger at.

Yes, my own "sexual practices" are more healthy than another's FOR ME. F.O.R. M.E.. Being FOR ME, I shall judge it accordingly. Living the way of others, sexually, would kill me as I'ma clingy personality and, from experience, cannot get used to any sort of repeated rejection or let-down and I NEED commitment and loyalty. Ohnoes, I pointed out a self flaw, how dare I judge myself!? And yes, such a trait is a negative in most relationships. However, some are attracted to the clingy ones. Always keep, in the back of your head, to each his own. No matter how hard I judge someone, it's back there. Doesn't mean I have to come out and say it each time, as some protective, sugar-coated padding.

Condescending, somewhat. If you aren't EVER, then you may as well go unnoticed. Watching people so often you learn that EVERYONE is a bit of a hypocrit. When you watch people, you tend to listen too. Over time, you will see them fumble into hypocracy quite often. Humans are hypocrits, end of story. Should I ever feel the PERSONAL need to change myself, yes. No need to change for others.

Edit:
"But maybe to someone finding love IS life."
And, believe it or not, this is where I fall. And yes, it has negatively effected my life. I neglected much in my Junior and Senior years of high school, focused on it.

SP, brilliant, we should go into business together with this great invention of yours. I'd like to be the spokesmodel for it!

Oh yes there is!

I'm so cheap. I'll go over and sit in the corner...

In and of itself looking for sex and love isn't neglecting your life. That's something very healthy that everyone does, to a certain extent, because we are all sexual beings.

Where it crossed the line for me is where it took up my entire life and I bottomed out. I wasn't able to pursue real relationships because I was living several lives just to hide the fact that I was pursuing sex 24 hrs 7 days per week with no breaks. My jobs suffered. I would stay out until the sun rose even on week days filling my days and nights with sex and the pursuit of it.

What you should be paying attention to in those characteristics and questions is if these things have become all-consuming in your life to the exclusion of all other things, and it's holding you back as a self-actualizing person, then it could be a problem.

It has nothing to do with morality, judgment, social "norms", or religion. It's about quality of life. It's about being happy. It's about serenity.

If you are having sex all around town screwing everything that moves and you are deliriously happy, and your life is swell, then I would say there's no problem. In fact, if you are happy then all is well.

On the other hand if things suck and you're losing jobs because you can't concentrate on work and you are surfing for porn all day or having sex in the company bathroom on company time, and you get no sleep because you MUST seek sex, and you can't maintain any kind of relationship (this is an extreme case, but not unheard of) then you might want to examine your relationship to your own sexuality to see if things aren't out of balance.

It's all about balance NIC. There's no judgment on my part. My sex life certainly isn't "conventional." My sex life at 37 finally matches up with who I am and where I want to be headed, and it's in balance with the rest of my life. That's the way it is for me. It took 10+ years to get there. It's a personal journey.

Wow, this thread asploded since I posted. There are definitely lots of valid points here, as different things work for different people. My only point is that there is no such thing as a psychological norm for promiscuity that everyone should follow. Everyone is different. Everyone has had different life experiences that guided them along the way. For me, this resulted in being very sexually active, but for others like SyddyKitty it has resulted in no sex at all. Both ways are 100% logical and correct, to us. If you tried to force him to follow *my* sexual standards, he'd self-destruct. If you tried to force me to follow *his*, I'd self-destruct.

It's illogical to impose your own beliefs about promiscuity on others. This isn't to say that there aren't people who do need help, far from it. This is just to say that everyone is his or her own person, and no one can be expected to suffer another's lifestyle. In the case of religious groups it's understandable, as they have some goal they want people to achieve so they can have whatever afterlife they believe in, but I'm quite confused at why an atheist would be anything but apathetic on the subject considering they believe there is no soul to save. Whatever works in life, because after death it doesn't matter?

I'm not judging you Syddy, I'm actually interested in what's going through your mind.

And for the record I have zillions and zillions of flaws.

[quote=earllogjam;1012193]As I said before, unhappy periods of my life have coincided with my excessive promiscuity often for the need of things you have listed. The need for love, acceptance, and the need to be needed. Unfortunately the sex was only a quick fix. [quote]


That reason is a large part of why I practice celibacy. It would be wonderful to have someone to love. Someone to hold who'd hold me back. They'd be my mate for life. It doesn't seem that it'll happen soon. So, I remain celibate but without painful baggage left from empty attempts at meeting my inner needs.
I do flirt a lot but that is just in fun.

I totally agree with you in spite of other people's advice. I am mostly gay but not activist at all. I think there are big joys but also big dangers in sex (mentally, spiritually and physically) and in the lack of sex too, but in both cases, sex is alwways THE question.
It is not morality. It is the truth whatever people consider it or not. I have an Internet addiction, I do not want to suffer then from a virtual sex addiction ! I would really enjoy meeting a vwe uncut guy with a sense of honour and faithfulness. Do not mind if some people call you a christian fundamentalist and so on !

Très touchant ! bravo !

You probably don't like the label because you are a sex addict or excessively promiscuous. You are on websites and on a constant hunt for new sex partners. It's a game to you so you don't realize it's a problem. And you could be infecting others since you won't use condoms, but yet you claim they all know you are HIV+. Alcoholics don't like to be told they're one, and will deny it sometimes even during an intervention.

I don't know how you can maintain sobriety living in S.F. It's awesome but it must be a struggle with all the temptations. But then again, I guess if you're strong enough to live there you would be strong enough to live anywhere. It's like an alcoholic taking up a job as a bartender.