It's a Beauty Contest, like such as!

In light of Caitlin Upton's now-famous answer in the Miss Teen USA pageant, I'm offering this game:

Answer a question in the style of a beauty contestant: You have a 30-second time limit, which translates to about 50-75 words. Bonus points for mentioning the children, extra bonus points if you can squeeze in world peace as well. You don't have to actually stay on topic, but you should sound like you're trying to convince the judges you're on topic by repeating buzzwords from the question (like "maps") in your answer.

Then ask a question in the style of a beauty pageant judge for the next player. The question should mention some alarming statistic without a verifiable source, followed by a vague fluffy but "socially relevant" opinion question.

Here's your first question:

"Studies have shown that 85% of American homes do not have a working smoke detector. Miss Nevada, what do you think should be done about this?"

*opens eyes wide* Mindseye, I believe that if the tobacco companies would be honest and take responsibility for the health problems caused by smoking, the world would be a better place and we would no longer need smoke detectors in our homes. *smiles widely at judges with vacant look in eyes*


Next question:

"Miss Oregon. Experts believe that teenagers in the United States today are sexually active at a much younger age then elsewhere due to television programming. Do you believe this is true, and why?"

(bravo! smoke detectors detect smoking, I love it!!)

"I personally believe that in the United States you are not a teenager until you are 13. In other countries like Africa and the Middle East, their language might not count you as a teenager until you are at a higher age. If televisions in those countries broadcasted in English, it would be a good thing for the children, even though our language starts the teens at a younger age."

The No Child Left Behind Act has threatened to cut federal funding for schools that do not meet minimum standards on high-stakes tests. Miss Guam, do you believe that standardized testing is a good idea?

*smiles brightly hoping there's no poi salad stuck to her teeth*

Let me say this about that. There should be a chaperone required for every five children on any field trip so that no child is left behind.

Miss Minnesota, many of the nation's bridges are literally falling apart yet no funds have been allocated for their repair. What should the federal government do to correct this?

Oh, my gosh! When I was 12, I like thought I would adopt a Chinese baby and bring it back to the US to live, you know? But when we tried to come here all the bridges were broken because we lost our credit cards and then I woke up. It was horrible.

Miss District of Columbia: Scientists have conclusively proven that we need to reduce the emission of fossil fuel gasses into the atmosphere. How would you accomplish this?

"I believe Americans should eat more vegetables and less fossils, because obesity is a major problem that leads to the emission of fossil fuel gases. That's why I support Head Start in our schools . . . for our children!"

The three-million-year-old skeleton of an Australopithecus infant was recently unearthed near Dikika, Ethopia. Miss Indiana, do you favor the teaching of evolution-related discoveries like this in public schools?

Wow that is a toughie, but first of all I would introuduce legislation to limit the use of fossil fuel and to urge them to find safer more organically sound fuel to use that would benefit instead of harming our environment. Overall I think all of our modern inventions that blow harmful gasses and fuel into the atmosphere, should be regulated and remade to find alternative uses. But hopefully we as the next generation will realize that we must start to take care of our Earth and our environment and be more responsible.

Miss Tennessee: If you were elected the next president of the United States, what steps would you take to improve our image and standing to the rest of the world, while at the same time maintaining our policies that are important to our nation, in world affairs?

(Eyes glaze comletely over )

*Gasp * Well, like we should just nuke them back to the stone age,
like it is in mexico.



Miss California, given the news of the latest sexual scandal involving
anti homosexual republicans, what should we as a Nation do to curb
these redneck atitudes in Government ???

Well, I'm not a Republican, I'm a Protestant, but I think all of the redneck homosexuals should be more inclusive, like, you know, love everybody.

Miss Iowa, what would you do to increase America's corn output for conversion to ethanol?

I would plant a lot more seeds and water them really well.

Miss New Hampshire, Americans without health insurance climbed by 2.2 million people in 2006. What plan would you propose to increase coverage for everyone?

Well like, if more Americans were to participated in rock climbing they would be healthier and wouldn't need so much insurance. I propose REI and EMS donate free hiking and climbing gear to the uninsured. It will be less expensive for the federal government. Oh and the bonus is I won't have to be stuck looking at all those fat, polyester, clad bottoms at the Wal-Mart. I also believe this will help stop Global Warming and aide in World Peace.


Miss Kentucky, this is a two part question. In the previous two presidential elections it is alleged that many votes were not properly counted. What do you suggest be done so that every vote may be counted in the future? Do we really need to count the votes of every person who enters a voting booth?

"People who don't have enough coverage can catch colds, which is why people need health insurance. I think we should donate our used clothing to charities so that poor people can have more coverage. That is how I would increase coverage for everyone."


edit: darn, njqt466 posted while I was typing! Go ahead and answer her question...

Like, this is such a big problem! So many people can't read, especially children who have gone to school, so how do we know they're even marking the correct candidates?

We should post pictures, and let everyone vote on the candy-dates based on really important issues that are necessarily necessary for determining who is who and what is what.

QUESTION: Miss Arkansas: The United States is facing the lowest house resale rates of the decade. What should be done to stimulate the economy?

(Eyes glaze comletely over )

*Gasp * Well, like we should just nuke them back to the stone age,
like it is in mexico.



Miss California, given the news of the latest sexual scandal involving
anti homosexual republicans, what should we as a Nation do to curb
these redneck atitudes in Government ???




ummmm


Last I recall the LPSG terms included:

These violations are subject to a sanction up to, and rarely including, permanent ban, depending on (cumulative) severity:

• Content whose primary purpose is to disrupt or inflame.

Not sure how that is not "inflaming" via Republicans via rednecks (derogatory) and anti-homosexual.

Of course absence from moderation.. so I'll just have at it.