Friendship

YAG, I understand your point, and I think it's often true that a friendship may last a lifetime -- but I don't think one necessarily will.
We are all works in progress, and no matter how compatible we feel at point X, a decade or two or more of change and evolvement can take us enough apart that the chemistry shifts.
Friends have more binding them than acquaintances and proportionately more of one's true friends will survive these displacements than one's acquaintances.
But I wouldn't want to say that the statement, "We were really good friends once, but I guess we aren't any more," necessarily means we were never true friends, even at the beginning.
Your statement might be taken to have that implication.

I love this thread. I think that we over use the term "friend", period. It is true that we often confuse acquaintance with friendship or perhaps use the word friend when we are trying to put a more warm and fuzzy spin on an acquaintance we are attempting to cultivate. Friendships come in many forms. There are various levels of friendship. Often problems occur when there is a disparity in feeling. There is almost always the potential for problems when one cultivates another with a selfish agenda.Friendship can not survive when one party sees the other as his or her host animal. I think that unfortunately many of us because of dysfunctional modelling in our past have NO IDEA what a friend actually is. Friendship unlike a bond of blood, is a bond of choice. It is fragile, tenuous and needs careful cultivation. In order to be allowed to say the tough things, one has to have emotional capital with that other individual . I think we often forget that it takes 10 good things said to counteract one careless or nasty thing. So, when we are tempted to go for the juglar in a fit of pique, we need to think about that. But dont be discouraged .Each day is an opportunity for a learning experience. We just have to be open to what the day brings...

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Originally Posted by AlteredEgo It's kind of a tradition among my friends: If you get out of a lame relationship, we will bake you a cake, and throw you a party. There's even singing involved. It's lot's of fun, and hopefully an incentive. I'm known for excellent break-up cake, and so is Entenmann's. LOL Ben and Jerry are usually also invited.

Oh we do that too, there is often pepperoni pizza and chardonnay involved as well. I love Ben & Jerry! They are the only two men upon which I can always depend.

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Originally Posted by ManlyBanisters A friend will be honest even when you can't handle it, if (s)he needs to be.

True

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Originally Posted by Drifterwood I thought about that one for some time. But as I could think of situations where the pain would be more than the gain, I decided that sometimes you might withold information, out of concern that your friend just couldn't handle it.

Hmm, I have/had a friend like that and when I finally decided I needed to tell her in order to avoid the train wreck that was coming, she stopped talking to me.

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Originally Posted by naughty I love this thread. I think that we over use the term "friend", period. It is true that we often confuse acquaintance with friendship or perhaps use the word friend when we are trying to put a more warm and fuzzy spin on an acquaintance we are attempting to cultivate. Friendships come in many forms. There are various levels of friendship. YES! Often problems occur when there is a disparity in feeling. There is almost always the potential for problems when one cultivates another with a selfish agenda.Friendship can not survive when one party sees the other as his or her host animal. I think that unfortunately many of us because of dysfunctional modelling in our past have NO IDEA what a friend actually is. Friendship unlike a bond of blood, is a bond of choice. It is fragile, tenuous and needs careful cultivation. Agreed. In order to be allowed to say the tough things, one has to have emotional capital with that other individual. I think we often forget that it takes 10 good things said to counteract one careless or nasty thing. Yup! This is why nasty gallery comments are particularly bothersome for some of us. So, when we are tempted to go for the juglar in a fit of pique, we need to think about that. But dont be discouraged .Each day is an opportunity for a learning experience. We just have to be open to what the day brings...

I'm big on categories. I have 3 categories for the non-blood related people in my life: friend, acquaintance, associate.

Or as Ben Affleck once said in an interview with David Letterman. "A friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move and bury a dead hooker and not ask any questions until you are drinking coffee at the diner afterwards."

I have 2 good friends in real life. Oddly they have always sorta been there but it's only in the last few years I have realized what truly great people they really are.

I loved your distinctions. Yes, we can only hope that we will learn to be a friend and aspire to be and sometimes make it to good friend. It is true tha talk is cheap. Thanks for giving me something to think about.