How to get rid of wasps! Please!

(yells) "HHHEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLPPP!!!!! HHHHEEEELLLLPPPP MMMEEEE!"
(OK, I'll stop yelling now)

(raises right hand) I readily admit >> I am probably the most craven sissy coward on the planet when it comes to these pesky little fuckers. If I see one I will BOLT...I will BOLT... in the opposite direction. I don't care how silly or embarrassing I look running like a madman, as long as I get away. There used to be this rather mean-spirited joke about me in high school that everybody would try to get me to join the boys track-running team. The joke was that we knew our school would win the state title; all they'd have to do is put a bumble bee behind me. I. Hated. That. Joke.

Honestly if I had my way, all species of wasps and hornets would have been extinct thousands of years ago. Animal rights activists be damned, no offense. Seriously, no offense.

Can't you just feel the love I have for these little critters?

Being that I live in Texas, I pretty much have no choice but to be forced to live around these pests. As a result, I stay indoors nearly 24/7/365 because of this. I ONLY go outside when I ABSOLUTELY have to. Is there anything out there that I can buy that will help me control the wasp population around my house (by control I mean bring down to zero and kill them all). What is the best quickest killing spray killer you have ever used. Is there some kind of home remedy or special product I could buy to help me control these unwelcome guests?

I greatly GREATLY appreciate any advice rendered.
Thanks.

Honest. Fair. Everywhere.

Consider: desensitizing therapy. In other words, get used to them.

When immigrants start moving into your neighbourhood, they'll move out.

Ooo. Sorry.

Anyways... almost any kind of chemical solvent is really bad for insects, what with them not having skin to keep that stuff out of their nervous system. I used to keep a spray bottle of barbecue starter fluid for use on wasp/armyworm nests.

lets end the war between the rockers and the poofters

Try this place for some great protective wear. It's a little uncomfortable in the summer months, but you wanted safety, so here it is.

Chainmail | Chain Mail Armor

Blow torch, and lighter... works like a charm... Honestly though, they are attracted to bright colours, and flowers.

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Wasps are territorial but not too bright.

Get a brown paper bag larger than the nest they have built or are building, stuff or inflate it, twist the top tightly and hang it near the nest.

If they think there is a larger colony nearby they will literally buzz off.

It's free and perfectly harmless to the environment. Give it a shot.

Hang the bags everywhere you think the wasps might consider homey before they make themselves too comfortable.

The best a man can get.

(818):His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
TFLN

If you find their nest, you can kill them off with a co2 fire extinguisher. A blast form a co2 will freeze them solid.

Another warning about bees and wasps: Don't ever leave a can of a soft drink unattended after it has been opened. The sugar content of the drink will attract bees and they will enter the can to get to the sweetness. If you should drink from the can and and the bee stings your throat, you would probably sufficate before help would arrive. This happened to a friend. His throat and windpipe swelled closed. He died right there from suffication. He was with his family on a picnic outing.

stylyung

On the lighter side; Did you hear about the bee that couldn't make his honey at night because he played with his stinger all day?

stylyung

guess that was too easy... rob stole my joke in the 3rd post.

The worker bees, that make honey etc. , are female.

when I was ten years old I was eating an apple and a wasp was on it. I took a bite of the apple and was bitten on the inside of my upper lip. I was very lucky. A few inches further back and I would have been a very dead boy. As it was I walked around with a big fat upper lip for a week.

jdcnow I share this fear. I avoid wasps and usually they avoid me. But sometimes one has to kill a persistant pesky wasp. The best way to kill a wasp that bothers you is to attack it. Smack it out of the air with a stiff piece of cardboard, or your hand if you dare, and when it hits the floor stomp on it and do the mashed potato.

I am assuming that all of your windows have screens before giving you the following advice. When wasps build a nest on the ceiling of your porch etc. wait until there are only a few wasps attending to the nest. You can poke the nest down with a broom handle and quickly retreat to the safety of your house. The wasps will be mad for awhile but will calm down and many of them will fly away. You can come back to the nest and crush it with a flat solid object such as a stone or wooden board. Dispose of the crushed nest/wasps away from the house.

They make a spray specifically for wasps and hornets. It comes in a spray can that can shoot about ten feet. Inorder to get all the insects at once, spray the nest either early in the am or late in the pm when all the insects are on the nest. This spray can be found at any major store, Walmart etc.

Around the outside of homes they love eaves and porches as they provide protection. Good luck.

I recommend nuclear energy...should get rid of any bees that are close in an instant!

Seriously, get some wasp and hornet spray that has the long reach spray nozzle. Spray the nest, then tear it down with a long stick. As someone else pointed out, most any solvent or petroleum will kill bees. However, regular
aerosol wasp spray is safer for you and the environment.

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Some of my best friends are WASPs.

Gillette is on to something with her paper bag thing:

The Original Waspinator

Today's The Onion headline:

U.S. Consumer Confidence Down, Says Guy Trying To Sell Van

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