*To the gay guys* Your first boyfriend.

Beanie, don't feel so bad. I was a virgin until I was 25 - 1987! I didn't know anyone gay. I finally met a guy who was visiting from my company's HQ in Palo Alto. I was so scared and uneducated. I thought that I could get AIDS from doing anything. Luckily for me, he was a safe-sex educator in SF. We had a fun time and I visited him a few times. After a few boyfriends, I met my partner. He & I have been together for 16 years now.

Good luck,

Jim

Beanie, don't stress over it! I was out of college and 23 years old, when I first had sex with a guy. I had sex with several guys that wild summer of '82. Lots of liquor, and dancing to Disco and New Wave. "Mickey", "Don't You Want Me, Baby", "Tainted Love" and "Wishing", among others...great memories. I also came out to my family and parents that summer, too.

My first long term lover, boyfriend, I met at a club about 6 months later, but the relationship only lasted a few months. A big guy at 6'2" and 220 lb's, with a thick 8 incher. He could go on fucking for what seemed like hours!

Hmmm, I can still smell that tall glass of Liebfraumilch that was on the bedstand, while we played for hours. Funny how music and smells can bring old memories flooding back...

thanks again for you help guys and keep it comeeing.

I am allready out to a select group of my friends and the closest to a gay guy in my friends is a Bi friend of a friend who is a total queen and just not my type. I do go out to clubs and the like but i have never been to a gay club befor and i have no idea what im supposed to do to meet a guy in a club? im not very good describing this but i hope you get my meaning??

Got that one right.



My first times of sex were just sex--there's a thread here about it, it's not pretty and I didn't see him as a boyfriend in that sense.



The next few were just sex.


Before marriage #1 there were 2 short term boyfriends; but we didn't do anything publicly like kissing or holding hands or even hugging--it was all bedroom and backrooms.


Between the 2 marriages there was a good looking man who was in his early 60s and he was my first official boyfriend. I was still half closeted so the family was not told. My late sister Olivia figured it out though (she was one smart cookie and had good instincts),


After marriage #2 ended I pranced out of the closet and nobody had any doubts. Then I went through a whole string of men before I met Ray and since that ended there's been nobody--which in my case may be for the best (I know it's for the best of all the other men out there).


Beanie, you'll meet Mr.Right when you're supposed to--just keep alert and open to the idea that he is out there and searching for you as much as you are for him.

my first time was witha kid that used to torment me in grade school...we did the deed when we were 14...this went on another year or so..as life would have it he became my step brother 20 years later....funny! we never spk abt as adults an he died last year

I suppose it would be best if you define first what boyfriend means to you. Are we talking first fuck buddy? I was 8 and he was twelve. I was very curious sexually and he was freaked out at just starting puberty. He really was the boy next door. I taught him not to be afraid of his development and what to expect next and he let me "experience" that with him. Friends turned to curiousity and curiousity turned to sex. We where both loners at the time. For the next four years we kept getting together like 3-4 times a week "experimenting" with sex. It didn't feel like a relationship until the day I told him my family was moving and we couldn't get together anymore. We had a real fight and he was furious. It really felt like a break-up. It didn't dawn on me until that moment that we where more than friends.

I wouldn't come out until I was 35. Once I could handle the idea of who I really was (VERY religious family). Not that I didn't continue to have sex that whole time but I just kept lying to myself that gay sex for me was just a fetish. But any offer from a guy to go further than just sex with a relationship I shut down and got lost immediately.

I wouldn't actually begin dating until I met a great guy who decided he wanted to just take me out and get to know me better. We didn't actually have sex for about a week and strangely enough it was terrible!(lol) We only dated for about 3 weeks, the sex got better but I broke up with him because even though I was out, I was raised str8 and holding hands and kissing in public still freaked me out. Not to mention his overwhelming masculinity (which is exactly how I like my guys), but it forced me to question my own, if he was all man who the fuck was I? Later I would realise that I was just being an idiot and jealous of his great looks and the long time he had been out and comfortable with himself. By the time i realised my mistake he was dating someone else and it was too late.

I suppose I have said all this to point out one thing that a lot of gay guys miss. A lot of the reason we don't find and or keep boyfriends is because we spend too much of our lives being more homophobic about our sexuality than even the world around us; regardless of whether we are in or out of the closet. Which is to say if you are still a virgin and you don't have a boyfriend it may be because somewhere deep inside you don't want one yet.

It can be really scary. Which can put you in a place where you spend years trying so hard to find Mr. perfect on the first go around that you miss out on a lot of great guys and fail to develop socially. I have had many boyfriends since my two most memorable ones. I have met some online and some in public. I met most of them when I was just being myself looking or not.

In the end that is what everyone is looking for, someone to accept you for who you are. However, the first step is for you to accept who you are today. In or out of the closet has never really mattered when it comes to relationships. But the inner you will always catch more guys than that tired old shell you put up when you go out. I am not a great looking guy and I would not say i have a great personality. But I met a lot of guys who would like to date me because when they meet me they meet me, not some stereotype they have seen 1,000 times before.

Good luck and good hunting!

LOL.....me too! don't feel alone! keep the faith alive! haha!

The first person I came out to became my boyfriend a week later (he sort of was the reason I realized that I was gay). Anyway, I was 22 (same for him) and for us both our first time happened about a month after we got together. It was a little rough for him, but it was still a fun time.

I came out in my 20s, I'm 34. I still havent had a boyfriend. Different people go through different things. Just learn to be yourself, and (so they tell me) everything will work out ok.

I finally admitted to myself that I wasn't straight, and was never going to be straight. I reached the point where I had been suppressing ALL of my desires for human intimacy because of my fear of being gay, and what it meant, that except for a few abortive, not very fullfilling, breif sexual encounters ( I talked about my 'first time' on other forums), that I was crying myself to sleep at night from the lonliness and need. I finally came out to MYSELF, and allowed myself to be social with gay guys. Within about a month, I had my frist relationship, ever. I was 31, It lasted for about 4 and a half years. Finding someone , gay or straight, is mostly about luck. THe only way you can imporive your odds, is to be as social with as wide a range of people as possible--this improves your odds of finding someone you connect with, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Hang in there, it seems like it will never happen, but then one day it will happen out of the blue. But when it comes, don;t fight it or reject it--just go with your heart and enjoy the experience the best you can!

I was 24 when I first came out to someone else. Nearly a year later, when I was 25, I met my first boyfriend and had sex for the first time. The relationship didn't last all that long, but it was fun while it lasted.

I started having man-sex at 17. Anything prior to that was a lot of experimentation. Nine years later I met a boy at the gym, we were the same age and he was straight at the time. I worked the graveyard shift and he used to come work out at random hours of the night to be able to talk to me (he later fessed up). We were 26 and each other's first boyfriends... it lasted 3 years. I never had a relationship prior to that and he had never been with a man before. We were head over heels in love with each other but it ended badly. I guess the timing was off and we both just needed more experience in relationships. He has subsequently gone back to dating women and I have chosen to eliminate further communication with him. It was wonderful and extremely painful at the same time; however, I am happy to have been in love. Prior to that I had thought there was something emotionally wrong with me because I never felt any intense feelings for anyone. I look forward to falling in love again, but after this harsh lesson, I have become gun-shy about getting involved with another straight or bisexual man. I prefer the company of gay men.

"It is better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all" ...true that.

first guy/guy experiment (mutual jacking off): 16-ish.
first guy/girl intercourse: 18 and a half.
first guy/guy intercourse: 23? 24? somewhere in there.

My first boyfriend, who i'll call 'jay' is the one who showed me the ropes, and encouraged me to come out.
Then he jumped back in the closet, and is now married with 2 daughters.

My first boyfriend was actually a regular friend of mine since middle school. The friendship became sexual at 17 after we graduated high school. That summer before leaving college I seduced him late at night in his bedroom and we became very close. Lots o sex. It was liberating to act on my true feelings. He was so goodlooking and fun, and I was deeply infatuated with him. I went off the college and returned during winter break to find his feeling for me turned into disgust. I was heartbroken, angry, disillusioned. He took up dating girls and even invited me to some of his parties with his new found "girlfriend". It wrenched my heart. I started dating women and tried to convince myself that I wasn't gay. It didn't work. Just could not lie to myself and feel good. I lost all contact with him but later found out thru mutual friends that he is gay and has a male lover of 10 years who looks like me. Funny world huh?