A realization...

You know when you reach that point in you life when you realize the horrid truth? Today, as I sat here I realized that my horrid truth is that I just act or appear to be happy. Deep down inside I am very unsatisfied with the way my life is going, and I start realizing that I have become an individual I hate. So much of the stuff that is going on in my life has finally taken a turn to the worst - I am afraid. Life scares me, I am scared of the present, and terrified of the future - the past I resent. Is life really meant to be this depressing? Will I ever reach happiness? I don't think I will, because of the way things are going. I only kid myself into thinking that my life is great, and I had been too stubborn to release this tension and these feelings of loneliness I feel. Part of my insomnia is that I go trhough every night and think about the stuff that bothers me - I have reached a point in which I rarely get any sleep. Sometimes I wonder how I make it through the day with no sleep. I don't mean to offend anyone, but sometimes I wonder why I even joined this group. Did I join it for attention? Did I join it because I just don't mind being naked? What compelled me to join a group based around the penis? Well, I am sorry if you guys thought this post was about something else, I just wanted to share my feelings.

If you can get some sleep, that might make a drastic dent in your depression. Here's my advice.

• Pick a bedtime, and stick to it religiously.
• an hour before bed, drink camomile tea
• half an hour before bed take some melatonin
• get regular excercise, but never later than six hours before bed
• NO CAFFEINE EVER! (Definitely not past midday.)
• Learn to meditate, or another relaxation technique.

If you must go over your insecuriteis and other upsetting things while trying to rest, focus not on how things were, but about what you can do differently, and how things can be. Whatever you practice in your mind you can eventually apply in real life.

Also look at your friends and family. Do you have a good support system? Do you want to be like the people you spend most of your time with? You will be an amalgam of the 5 people with whom you spend the most time. So, don't spend time with people who are depressed, unfulfilled, bitter, or unproductive. Find the cheerful go-getters you know, and spend more time with them.

Most importantly, don't think you have to conquer your problems alone. Sounds to me like you could benefit from some counseling and therapy.

Good luck.

When I think of my life as a journey and not a goal, I become grateful. This makes me happy and makes me realize that welcoming life whatever it has to offer is a good thing. When I second guess some decisions I made in life, I often get these same feelings you have mentioned. But a wise friend once said that "If you still regret anything from your past, you are not living today to the best of your ability." This meant that living today at its best meant either accepting these shortcomings or changing them. I know this is all easier said then done, but these ideas can change ones perspective on what constitutes happiness.

AlteredEgo,

Thanks for your advice, I do excersise regularily - heck I excersise every day. I never drink caffeeine, since I just don't like the side effects of the chemical. The rest, I will start or try to do.

The problem that I have, is that I do come up with plans in my mind - but I never make them happen. I am scared of them going wrong - and I know that I should avoid being scared, and just go for it.

My support is not all that great. I can't complain, though, I do have a loving family - but their advice is to suck it up. My friends are not in the states, and I have lost two friends due to the war. The people I do hang out with are far too concerned with themselves to listen to me - they would much rather have me as their listener, than vice-versa; so I have tried to avoid them because I am not a dump site...I also have issues and feelings that I wish they would listen to. I know I need a new social group, but since I am constantly busy it is rather hard to build said group.

As far as mental help goes, I used to have a therapist and psychiatrist in my teen years. I do have a history of mental illness, and it could be argued that I still do. I am bi-polar, and I have a form of schitzophrania, but thank heavens I have trained myself on the schtizophrania problem.

Again, I really do thank you for your advice, it has been truly appreciated.

Dear 50%more, Thanks for the quote, it is very nicely said. Who told you that? Anyway, I have been thinking about it, and perhaps I am just growing up. Maybe I am starting to matture at a higher level mentally, and I just don't know how to deal with it since it is all new to me.

My very wise friend Clark. He is 15 years younger than me but very wise for his age. Our minds think a lot alike. We often finish each others sentences. I had felt this way before he said it. It is just that he is very good at putting complex thoughts into simple words. He use to be a literature major, but I have swayed him into philosophy. Philosophy was my major. I have always struggled with getting my point across clearly to others.

How old are you?

I am a recovering heroin addict. So my sobriety depends upon me keeping a healthy outlook on life.

After reading this response I would like to give you more words of wisdom. "It is better to understand than to be understood." And "A wise man learns more from a fool, than a fool learns from a wise man." If people aren't listening to you it is their loss. True and lasting friends will stick around and eventually try to understand you. It just may not be according to your schedule. So be aware of those people in your life who are listening. And learn from those who do not listen.

I am 22. I figurd you majored in Philosophy...even your avatar sorta suggests that.

That sounds like me 5 years ago.

Great job, great life, but never felt happy. Had problems I could never identify and/or seem to fix. Got depressed to the point I had to go on Prozac. That lasted all of 2 months until I got to the point I could take over my well being from there and improve on it without the drug. The doc said I would be depressed for the rest of my life. He was wrong. I had to do something different. So I said fuck this and picked up and left Oklahoma for Texas without telling anyone.

About a month after I got here, I realized I was the only one that could make me happy. And also that a lot of my family and "friends" were jealous of my success and happiness and were effectively "sabotaging" me any way they could. But I couldn't see that since I was so close to the problem. So I set out to set up the life that *I* wanted and build from there. Also learned to surround my self with people that I KNOW to be very good for me, not people that I THOUGHT would be good for me. Now if someone tries to bring me down, they immediately get an earfull. I let them know that if they abuse me, I will abuse them right back.

Someone once told me: If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting.

That ain't no joke.

I ran into a former friend on a recent visit to Oklahoma and he basically told me that I couldn't hack life and ran away from all my problems which made me a loser. To which I responded that I didn't run away, I cut EVERY one of my losses, regrouped elsewhere and am far better for it. Really pissed him off.
So there comes a time when you have to change what's not working for you and get something that is.

You probably joined this site like I did. You found some people that you could relate to that will support you while having some fun.

50% more, thank you. I didn't need any help, but I got some from you anyway. What a wonderful outlook you have developed! I really feel like you unlocked something for me.

Eagle Cowboy,

Im so glad he is a former friend . He sounds positively toxic,

Your signature says you're here because you've got a nice penis and you're proud of it. At your age you'll go through a lot of times like now. It's all part of the seasons of life. But you have to keep trying things to find what you like. You may never find exactly what you want. Just keep going and you'll get somewhere. Wish I could be more helpful than that. Haven't really found what I want yet either.

dude i feel you all the way. ive been in iraq for 13 months now and have three left. ive lost two friends that i came over here with that were also with me in a bosnia tour. i never knew my father that died when i was 18, my older brother died when i was 17 and my younger brother disbalanced the chemicals in his mind with drugs when he was 14. bro, ive had some tough times as well. the only thing that helps is realizing your on the ground and getting up. growing up i thought i wouldnt live to the age im at now, just a feeling i had. now im married, the family i have left i love, ect. everyday something comes up that isnt what you want, its a fact of life man. the sun going to come up tomorrow so you might as well get up with it you know? before you can love anything you have to love yourself. one day ill get out of this god forsaken place and ill see my wifes face again. no matter how dark the tunnel is theres a light on somewhere!

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Originally Posted by AlteredEgo 50% more, thank you. I didn't need any help, but I got some from you anyway. What a wonderful outlook you have developed! I really feel like you unlocked something for me.

Same here, I love this site! I used to feel a tad guilty for gazing at the wonderful gallery for so long. But I learn so much from reading the threads and listening to others in chat.

chris,
You are very welcome to share your feelings here. What you are talking about sounds like depression to me. Loneliness, unproductive ruminating over your situation instead of sleeping, hopelessness, etc. All can be from depression. Have you thought about getting some help for it?