gay people! help me out!

I was arguing today with my friends over wether or not being gay is a choice. My friends all think its a choice, but i do not think it is a choice. So please, gay guys and gals, you are the ones who realy know, what is the truth?

My reasons as to why i think its not a choice.

1. I dont find men attractive. I could not just choose to start finding men attractive.

2. studys have shown that when a man looks at an attractive female, "sparks" go off in his brain, and depending on how attractive that female is, the more "sparks" you get. But im sure for a gay male, the same would happen but when looking at another attractive male. How can you choose to control when these "sparks" go off.

3. If a straight guy is paid 1000 bucks to make out with another guy, does that make him gay? I think not, i think what makes you truly gay, is a genuine attraction to members of the same sex. For example, in prison, there is a lot of homosexual activity, but are these men truly gay? Or are they just so sex depraved, that they are able to do gay things to satisfy thier basic needs for sex. I dont think they are actually gay, unless of course, they actually find other men sexually attractive.

4. Some of my friends wont believe its not a choice because of christianity, gays supposedly go to hell, well im athiest so this doesent do anything to my view, but i wonder, if being gay was a choice, then why would sombody who grew up with this religion, knowing that gays supposedly go to hell, sombody who is a devout christian, wich i know many gay people are, would be a good christian in every way, except for the gay part. What would be the point of following the religion if you knew you were going to hell for choosing to be gay? If it was indeed a choice, and you truly believed you would be eternally damned, then why the fuck would you make that choice?

I think i had some more parts of my argument but i cant remember and i realy have to go now, but those are some reasons why i think being gay is not a choice.

This is nothing against gays, i have no problem with gay people. I dont mean to offend anybody im sorry if i somhow did, im kinda new to forums but from what ive seen if you dont like sombodys topic you call them a troll, so please dont call me a troll im not trying to offend anybody, i just realy want to know from your point of view, the actual gay people, who know the real deal.

Who would choose to be vilified, castigated, discriminated against, beaten up, beaten on, passed over for promotions, or mocked, beaten and crucified and left to die in a field in Wyoming?

I sure as shit wouldn't. It isn't a choice. I couldn't choose to be gay any more than I could choose to be Black.

For the record, I'm a Christian. I believe that Christ came for gays and lesbians, too. Shame on anybody who singles out homosexuals for their "sins". Some of the most devout Christians I know, people who really follow Christ and try to live by His example, are queer as a three dollar bill. But the Kingdom is theirs, as much as it is anyone else's. People who believe otherwise are Christians only because that is what they call themselves. They sure are missing a key element of Christianity, which is inclusivity.

Furthermore, I would not make out with a guy for 1000 dollars. Make it 10,000 and I'll suck the dick of any man on the planet. Another 5000 and I'll swallow. But I'm pretty sure I'll still prefer women afterward.

Just a few of my own thoughts...

Addendum: The kind of prison sex you're referring to is about dominance through violence and humiliation and has little or nothing to do with sexual preference.

Not a choice... it's biological.

I don't think many people would choose an orientation which has been reviled by many religions and cultures and yet still wish to be part of the same cultures and religions that marginalize their existence. So my answer is no it is not a choice for most. Some who have bisexual tendencies may be able to make the choice to persue the "straight" orientation and succeed at supressing the "gay" feelings and even some gays have led the "straight life" due to culture and religion. But I don't know anyone straight who has decided to become gay that wasn't gay or bisexual in the first place.

It's certainly easier for someone gay or bisexual to "choose" to be "straight" than to be gay. These people are no less homosexual or bisexual on the inside, but many do have varying degrees of success with controlling the "temptation" to be homosexual.

If homosexuality were a choice, there are certainly easier choices that could have been made with regards to lifestyle. Of course there have been and are cultures in which homosexuality was approved and even venerated. Hellenistic civilization viewed homosexuality as a beautiful form of love and many tribal cultures have venerated homosexuals, seeing the orientation as indication of being "chosen" or having powers and perceptions that "straight" people lack, often being the shaman or medicine man.

Choosing to be "gay" also means choosing not to perpetuate your genes, unless one chooses surrogate parenthood, artificial fertilization, or old fashioned "straight" sex. It often means possibly facing old age alone("widowed" and no children or grandchildren and parents and siblings deceased) and no survivor benefits that a straight person who could legally marry has the rights to.

I know many schoolmates who were straight but only married because the prospect of being alone as you age is very scary. Look beneath the hedonist lifestyle and youth-oriented American gay communities and there is a potential crisis for senior citizen homosexuals in years to come.

K, your thinking so far is OK. There is a whole load of scientific findings pointing to genetic and intra-uterine influences on sexual orientation.

I guess that your friend and others may really mean that we all have a choice about whether we act on our sexual attractions or not. Like choosing not to have sex until married or not having affairs when married or to be celibate and chaste like monks and nuns.

Having gay or straight or bisexual feelings and attractions is not a choice. What we do about them is. My opinion is that one should behave according to those feelings within a personal ethical framework.

If sexual orientation is a choice, then I would ask heterosexuals when and how they 'chose' to be straight. Did somebody recruit them?

It's a preposterous assumption.

I can accept that people choose their actions, and make minute-by-minute decisions about their own behavior. I can choose not to have another beer, or eat another Oreo cookie. It doesn't mean that I'm not inclined to want more.

Re: the religion thing, it is a mistaken assumption that Christian = homophobe. Conservative evangelical Christians take strong views on a very small, select list of social issues, but the Gospel is not about marriage and sexuality. It is about the belief that Jesus is God's son, died on the cross for the redemption of humanity, rose from the dead.

It is sad and cynical that certain evangelical Christians have found fundraising and recruitment success through fear-mongering about a small number of emotional issues.

yes, but what does this have to do with cock size ????

Ask each of your friends about the day that he decided to be straight. If one decides to be gay, then one also makes a conscious decision to be straight! :-)

Well, I don't know! But there's at least one study that says gay men have bigger cocks than straight men do.

Tell it brother! Oh, and does it have to be cash, or is a check ok?

I think that some individuals might read too much into sexual anomalies from their past in defining their 'official' sexual preference. There's a big difference between going through an 'experimental phase' in your sexuality and being clearly defined as gay or straight. Since some people may have played around a little bit with same sex fun while they were finding their sexuality, they misinterpret this as making a 'choice' of which side of the imaginary fence they lie on. In fact, the only choice they made was probably just to have some daring and kinky fun, and to explore some unchartered waters in their sexuality. Sexual preference is a lot more complex than just a fling.

Great post, Hickboy.

I am a lot older than most of the guys here. I have probably talked to 5,000 gay men, or more, in my lifetime. Many of these conversations, often sitting around Key West or in hottubs, centered on sexual orientation. I have never in my life ever talked to anyone who chose his sexuality -- gay or straight. The point about "when did straight people CHOOSE to be gay" is well taken. Additionally, I'm sick and tired of right-wing conservative groups talking about the decision to be gay when none of them has ever talked to a gay person. Dennis

my guess is people who think sexuality is a choice have some gay in them -- maybe 50/50. they may chose not to act on it or repress it. and think others are like that and could as well

The decision to engage in homosexual activity is a choice in the same way that celibacy is a lifestyle choice. A charitable Christian view will say, "love the sinner and not the sin" so as to separate a condemenation of homosexual behavior from the person. The underlying assumption is that homosexual activity is inherently vile. A less progressive and less charitable Christian uses notion of "choice" to attack the gay individual.

BUT


Having a homosexual orientation is not a choice. I don't think that it's biological to the extent of being genetic (in any clear-cut deterministic sense), but I do believe that being gay does make a biological imprint. I believe that there is a period of variability through adolescence, but that then that sexual variability becomes more "fixed" or re-inforced in late adolescence and beyond. It's like learning one's handed-ness.

Separately, I have a strong suspicion that as some "straight" men age (late 30s, early 40s), they too become more open (secretly) to the idea of having gay sex. They lay down their defenses, fears of social stigma, and think gay sex as an expression of masculinity. That's how I account for the fact that we see enough married men in general society who go out for a little sexual experimentation.

I love you.