Numerical Fixation

my best friend is a gay man and not so long ago i was in a chat room with him talking to some guy who was very pleasant until he mentioned his age, he was very abrupt in telling him he was a little too old for him, i was taken aback at how he turned at the mention of a number, the age gap wasnt even a huge one maybe a few years, its a sad thing that so much importance is placed on such things i was really shocked at the reaction

Haha. =) Thanks for the perspective, DC. I was wondering about that.... in the straight dating world... there is almost overwhelming pressure for guys to date women younger than they are and vice versa (though not too much younger, heaven forbid). Obviously I don't have any qualms about going after women who are my senior... is there any kind of rule set about this in the homosexual dating world? Do butch guys have to date younger twinks?

I had never dated an older woman until I was 32. She was 36, and it didn't seem a problem: She was hot. We had mutual respect and everything was good. We got married a couple of years later and still are. My wife hit menopause before I was 40. This won't be easy for some young guys to relate to, but I'm 52 now and still have almost as much sex drive as ever I did (I put that down to being fit and healthy). My wife's interest in sex took a nosedive at menopause and I have to work at keeping her involved in my sex life, otherwise, left to her own devices, she'd just watch tv, do her gardening, etc. Don't get me wrong - she likes a good fuck when she's getting it; it's just that she's not motivated anymore. I'm not saying in any way to warn you not to get involved with an older woman - far from it; if you fall in love you gotta follow your heart. It's more my way of explaining why men tend to end up marrying women a few years younger than themselves.

If my wife and I had met fiften years earlier, our age gap would have been a much larger percentage of our age, and it would have been a barrier. ie. at 21 she would have found me (17) far too young to be of interest.

I like your poem. All I can say is the women didn't notice me at 18, 27, or 37. I'll be 46 in two months and they don't notice me now. I had just as well
be invisible. Older than me or younger never seemed to matter...none of them are interested.

I do hope you'll forgive me if this is unwanted advice but:
There has always got to be a reason for it. I know a couple of guys who have got to your age without any success with women. It isn't because they are not good looking, or anything like that. The main thing I have observed is that these guys seem to shoot themselves in the foot one way or another as soon as they get near a woman. Guy 1 doesn't give women eye contact. He tends to makeGroucho Marx style quips. He's funny but he always manages to make women feel uncomfortable by insulting them or simply not including them in his conversation, ie. he doesn't show any interest in them. Guy 2 has everything going for him; he's wealthy, has a seriously nice sports car, A BIG COCK, and no dependents - except his 80yo mum with, whom he still lives. Now thereby hangs a tale. I'd guess that any prospective girlfriend is going to have to take her on board as part of his baggage. But most of us have baggage don't we? Think of all those divorced dads who have the kids every other weekend; most of those guys don't have any trouble hooking up with another woman. No, Guy 2, shoots himself in the foot when he's around women too. He just assumes that they won't be interest and then gives off no signals that he's interested in them. In other words, he snubbs them. Then he protects himself by saying she was too old (which is bollocks) or not good looking enough (also bollocks). Underneath it all is the fear of being turned down. I can understand why - none of us like to face that. Both of those guys I told you about are trying to hide the fact that they are desperate for the love and affection of a woman. But they view any encounter in those terms and instantly place pressure on themselves and the woman. The atmosphere is palpable when thats going on. If only they could take the pressure off themselves and just try to have fun and enjoy the company of the woman it would give the woman a chance to input something into the situation. That's something neither of these guys think about. The moment they get with a woman they're so uncomfortable they are looking for a way out.

So how about you? Do you think you might be shooting yourself in the foot by wearing a moustach? In 1974 that was cool (think Burt Renolds) but I'd have thought it gives off the wrong signal these days. There will be other things you do to put women off. Perhaps you should try and get some perspective on this. Maybe other LPSG members have some ideas. Would you like us to try and groom you for a date?
With best wishes and good intent
Riven650

overall good post, Riven, but I hope you're not saying that the root of all viking's problems with women lie in his moustache. Maybe that's a component. I have two friends my age (27) and they are both still virgins. One has never had a girlfriend in his life, the other has had one official girlfriend and a few other "dates" with girls he had ambiguously defined relationships that never became romantic or sexual. Both have multiple different issues with approaching and dealing with members of the opposite sex... correcting them all would be complicated. Having been there myself... I know that anyone who tries to attribute these failures to one thing and anyone who says that there is any one thing (outside of certain levels of fame and money) that will net you attention from women is full of shit. It's not as simple as we'd like it to be.

There are myriad different factors that go into the successful negotiation of new relationships. Personal grooming habits and the preconceptions that others will form about you based on your age are just two among many. If anyone is having trouble, from personal experience I suggest that a holistic approach by far works the best. This takes time and commitment, as results will likely be slow to come. For myself, I decided it was worth the effort, and I am still working at it.

I hang with a different crowd these days. They are much more honest, open, and accepting, and much less superficial.

It always made me wonder, though... how some of these people think that could actually work - if EVERYONE dates someone younger... well, ya know, if there's an age difference, at least ONE of the two has to be older. I never let it bother me, though. Anyone that shallow or fixated is not really my idea of a perfect match.

And although you and I have had only a friendship, and not a sexual thing going on, you seem to be the exception among your age group. With time I think we could have developed a pretty good, pretty solid friendship despite our age difference.

I quite enjoyed the time we spent together, too, DC. Even though you don't like Eminem, you old fart.

I'm not suggesting for a moment that the moustache is the root of all his problems - but do you think he should lose it anyway? And I completely agree with the rest of your post.

IMO a changing up one's appearance is almost always a good thing. Facial hair especially is easy to regrow and experiment with, provided you don't have a long beard. Anyway... I doubt that it would hurt.

And yet in their teens, you hear about girls going for older men... I don't care if you're five or so years older than I... As long as you treat me right and we have enough in common... (hey c'mon, I'm 19 and I still watch cartoons...)

That's hardly diagnostic. I haven't been 19 for a long time, and I still watch cartoons.

I used to get ID'd all the time. Then I grew some fuzz and I don't get ID'd. People even say I look older and...sexier!

But anyway go for 24 year olds. The usual gap is three years. I've dated women (a woman) four years older than myself. 'Sall good.

And at least you're finding women! Oh and if you have a tash yeah remove it. It makes you look like the plumber from a 70's porno. Even stubble you have to have trimmed/short cos girls don't like the rash.

I like you poem, NineInchCock_160IQ, and I dare say I know what you mean. Having passed the age of 40, I have decided my only option these days is to lie about my age. It works well enough when it is dark enough....

Meanwhile, Happy Birthday.

All I can say, in sympathy, is it could be worse--you COULD be gay, and over 40.