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Doug's Comeuppance

Originally Posted by aliensrus Really great discussion here. I really enjoyed this. I think I have one or two more submissions left for this story. That will finish it up. G You know, this was

is part of a discussion in the Fictitious Stories forum that includes topics on Make-believe stories and discussions about large penises.

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Old 06-13-2007   #76 (permalink)
lemont77 is offline

Quote:
Originally Posted by aliensrus View Post
Really great discussion here. I really enjoyed this.

I think I have one or two more submissions left for this story. That will finish it up.

G
You know, this was good. I think it's because it's a real discussion, and it didn't degrade into a shouting match.

Good on ya, laddie-buck. Keep it going.
 
Old 07-09-2007   #77 (permalink)
aliensrus is offline

Mark continued the fucking, both their weights supported by his muscular legs. Her body was supported only by hands grasping her firm ass, lifting it up and down easily over his glistening cock. She clearly liked his strength, his control of the action, and the intense pleasure he gave her. He was a more considerate lover; I could see that. He had let my wife finish off her orgasm before letting himself go. It wasn’t much maybe, I’ll admit. It was just more than I ever did.
“I…want…you…to…cum,” she said to him, each word uttered between breaths.

“Where?” he asked.

“On…the…floor?” She pulled her face from his shoulder so she could look him in the eyes. She smiled and said, “Anywhere you want, Baby.”

“No,” said Mark. “Like in your mouth, on your tits, in your hair.”

“Oh, silly,” she said and kissed him. “You can cum in my mouth if you want.”

“What do you want?” Mark asked.

Julie gave it no thought at all. “I want you to cum in my mouth.”
Mark lifted her ass a few more inches. There was an audible pop sound as his huge cock extricated itself from Julie’s hungry exhausted pussy. Like she was a delicate porcelain vase that was precious but weighed almost nothing, he placed her down onto the carpet. Julie went to her knees, grasped his giant log of cock, and pushed the head into her mouth. Although it wouldn’t fit, she had made a seal on it with her lips. Her hands took either side of his massive organ and started stroking him to orgasm.

Mark only combed her hair with his fingers, looking down at the woman who was servicing him, his lover who was old enough to be his mother. I don’t know what he was thinking. As for me, I was watching my wife’s breathing, her huge breasts swaying with the pumping action on his horse cock.

“I’m gonna blow, Baby,” he told her. “Seven … six… five…” I couldn’t believe it. The son of a bitch was doing a countdown. “Here goes. Three … two … one … ah …a hhhh … ooo yeah.”

Julie began frantically swallowing, her throat working overtime. Then, as her swallowing fell behind, her cheeks puffed out. Finally, the seal of her lips against the purple head of his swollen cock broke and white jism squirted from the spaces. Julie finally flew back and Mark’s cock began shooting sperm over Julie’s head. For the first time, Mark seemed to tire, the muscles in his leg finally seemed to weaken ask his cock still flung gobs of sperm like cannon grapeshot.

“Oh Baby,” said Mark to my wife. She was lying on the floor, his sperm covering her face and dripping down her cheeks. She was still swallowing his juices in her mouth, still trying to catch her breath. “You were great.”

Julie smiled a big broad smile. She looked at me, then back at her lover. “You are a special guy,” she said to him.

“Was she good?” asked Charlotte of Mark, barely containing her anger. “Are you done now?”

“I don’t know,”Mark said. He looked at Julie who still smiled brightly, even as she leaned over on her knees and tipped over. Her cum-covered face went to the carpet and she just stayed there, happy, in some kind of pleasant delerium. “I guess so,” he said. “Give me a minute and I’ll have a go with you again.”

“I’m going to bed”, said Charlotte, taking steps toward Mark.

“OK, I’ll…” Mark was startled as Charlotte grasped Mark and hoisted him up on her shoulder in a fireman’s carry. She was a woman in good shape and lifting the naked sixteen-year-old boy wasn’t much of a problem for her. She walked around me with her burden. “I guess I’m going to bed too,” said Mark.

I looked at Julie thinking I should do something. “You want to go to bed?” I asked her.

“Not right now,” she said. “Mark’s busy with Charlotte. I’ll wait until he’s done.”

I took the hint and went to bed. A few minutes later, I heard Charlotte going to orgasm again and later that night, I heard Julie and Mark back on the couch. My bedroom door was open and by laying at the foot of the bed with the light out, I could seem them perfectly.

“You OK, Baby,” asked Mark.

“I’m fine,” Julie said. “Now, I am, anyway.”

“Everything’s going to be better now,” he told her, and kissed her.

“Really?” she said.

“Yeah.”

“Your dick ever get tired?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “It gets sore sometimes, especially if I do it with the same woman all day.”

“All day.”

Mark nodded, shyly. “Yeah. It’s why I like to do different girls. That way no one gets tired. And I never liked girls my age. They get tired fast and usually can’t handle my size anyway.”

“You poor boy. You must have had a lot of trouble early on.”

When you’re a little kid with a big hard dick and no place to put it, it’s not much fun. I had great babysitters though.”

“Your dick…” said Julie has she started to massage it. “Is it sore now?”

“A little. But I think you’ll be wet enough that it won’t be a problem.”

Julie giggled. “I’ll try,” she said. “I’ll get it nice and wet first.” She leaned her head over and starting to lick Mark’s flaccid length. ‘Hmmmm,” she said as her tongue flicked over his cock’s head. “I taste some of Charlotte too.”

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s OK,” said Julie. “We’re best friends anyway.”

In a few minutes, Mark changed Julie’s position. He hoisted her ankles up onto his shoulders and maneuvered his cock into position. “Don’t hurt me,” she said.

Mark shoved forward slightly and Julie’s head fell back. “You stretch out all the girls,” she said.

“I’m told. I was always big so I learned early to be careful. Mrs. Hunter, my English teacher, used to tell me to use long slow strokes at first. She said her husband liked to fuck her fast and it wasn’t how she liked it. She said if her husband had a cock like mine, he still wouldn’t know how to fuck as good as me. I don’t know about that but I do try to learn with every girl.”

“You’re a master now,” she said. Both of her hands were between her legs, stroking the exposed part of Mark’s cock, the part that might never fit inside a woman. She kissed him and then put a hand on his ass to encourage him to use faster strokes. Mark leaned forward for more leverage and began putting it to Julie much faster.

“That feels so good,” she said. “Your cock is amazing.”

Mark began to suck on Julie’s tits, alternating between the two engorged nipples. As he did so, she kissed his hair. Her legs wrapped tight around his muscular shoulders. “I love you,” she said.

“I know,” he said.

“I want you to fuck me from behind, like a dog, Baby.”

“Whatever,” said Mark. I think it surprised Julie when Mark gently put her on the floor and then flipped her over. Mark put his cock in her right away.

“Oooo, Baby. I swear you’re cock is all the way up into my guts.”

“I’ll back off,” he told her. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Mark was fucking her hard. Instinctively, he grabbed her hair the way he would hold a horse’s reigns. She seemed to like it, groaning in pleasure. He pushed his cock into her as Julie’s face dug into front of the couch, her fingernails pulling up carpet. Her orgasm came fast and sudden but lasted through tens of strokes of Mark’s prodigious cock.

When she was done, her body fell limp though Mark continued his fucking her. One hand was still holding her hair as his hands guided her ass. “I want you to cum, Baby.”

“I don’t think anyone can do anything about that,” Mark said. “I’m going to cum.”

“No, I mean I want you to cum in me. Really cum in me deep.” Her words cut me deep. She was very careful about having more children with me. Now she was begging this teen age boy to give her a child.

“I don’t know,” Mark said.

“You’re giving Charlotte a baby,” she said. “Give me one too.”

“I have a lot of kids already” he said. Clearly, he wasn’t sure how many.

“What’s one more then?” she asked.

“OK,” Mark said. “Here you go.” His pace quickened, pumping his cock into her, preparing her birth canal for the baby that would be coming out in a few months. He stopped suddenly, pushing his cock deep into my wife. He gave a groan as massive amounts of jism poured down Julie’s inner thighs. He collapsed onto her and for a few minutes, he just laid there on top of her back. In a few minutes, I saw his hips lift and fall again over Julie’s ass. His cock had not left her. He was giving her another dose of his baby making juice.

Sooner or later, someone was going to have to sleep in this cabin. In the end, I guess that was me.

I awoke in the morning. I heard the sound of sizzling bacon and made my way to the kitchen. Charlotte was sitting at the table, eating one of Julie’s excellent omelets. Julie was at the counter next to the stove, minding the bacon and eggs frying. Mark was behind her, thrusting his cock between her legs, his ass cheeks pounding, a wet slushy sound from Julie’s stuffed vagina.

Charlotte saw me first. “Hey asshole,” she said.

“Hey Doug,” said Julie. My presence didn’t interrupt the fucking one bit. Apparently, Julie had learned to take Mark more easily and wouldn’t deny him sexual satisfaction even as she made his breakfast. “You want some eggs?” she asked me. I could see some of Mark’s cum still crusted in her hair.

“No thanks,” I said.

“The road are clear,” she said. Her mouth formed an “O” as Mark’s thrust must have hit a particularly nice spot. “They said on the radio you can leave by this afternoon. Mark, Charlotte, and I are staying.”

“Of course,” I said.
 
Old 07-09-2007   #78 (permalink)
aliensrus is offline

That was the worst day of my life though a couple of other days came close. There was the day Julie left me, moving in with Mark and Charlotte. Charlotte’s concerns about Mark’s infidelity was to be kept in check if he had two women. When that didn’t’ seem enough, Julie offered up our own daughter as Mark’s third wife.

Another really bad day was at the hospital, nine months later. Charlotte and Julie were both giving birth to Mark’s babies. The school nurse at his high school had given birth a day earlier and was being discharged. Mark’s attentions were split three ways. My daughter, Glenda, was six month’s pregnant and remained at Mark’s side.

And today’s a pretty bad day too. Some co-workers offered to take me fishing and I thought I needed it to take my mind off my problems. Others on the boat turned out to be husbands and fathers of some of my co-workers. Once we were out in the open ocean, I felt a push at my lower back, a loss of balance, the shock of cold water, and the taste of salt.

“Hey,” I yell up at the boat.

“Enjoy your swim,” one of the men say. They are throwing bait into the water, chumming, they call it.

I try to swim toward the boat but some wiseass steers the boat away, even as they toss fish tidbits at me that land in the water around me. “This isn’t funny,” I say.

“We’re laughing,” someone says from the boat.

I point at some vertical fins coming toward me. “What are those?” I ask.

“Dolphins,” they all say, laughing. “They’re going to play with you.”

“Yeah, this is a bad day. But still not quite as bad as that night in the cabin.
 
Old 07-09-2007   #79 (permalink)
crescendo69 is offline

Hoorah!
 
Old 07-09-2007   #80 (permalink)
aliensrus is offline

Quote:
Originally Posted by SpoiledPrincess View Post
I'm hoping he gets eaten by sharks aliensrus :)
Every now and then, I find myself pandering to my critics.

That's the end of this story. To those that enjoyed it, I'm grateful for your support. For those that didn't, relax, it's OVER.

A.
 
Old 07-09-2007   #81 (permalink)
crescendo69 is offline

Quote:
Originally Posted by aliensrus View Post
Every now and then, I find myself pandering to my critics.

That's the end of this story. To those that enjoyed it, I'm grateful for your support. For those that didn't, relax, it's OVER.

A.
I loved every word.
 
Old 07-09-2007   #82 (permalink)
millionman is offline

Aiensrus, Would you consider continuing the story without Doug? I'd be interested in reading about the confusion and chaos that life with three women and mutliple children running around. It'd be the erotic version of Big Love.
 
Old 07-09-2007   #83 (permalink)
legaleagel is offline

As always I loved it Aliensrus. If I have one minor criticism I felt the ending was maybe a bit rushed. I'd have loved more details of Mark's encounters with the school nurse or the daughter. Maybe some stuff from the hospital as they give birth.

However msot of all I'd just like to say thankyou for another wonderful story. I'm really looking forwrad to the next one.
 
Old 07-11-2007   #84 (permalink)
aliensrus is offline

Quote:
Originally Posted by millionman View Post
Aiensrus, Would you consider continuing the story without Doug? I'd be interested in reading about the confusion and chaos that life with three women and mutliple children running around. It'd be the erotic version of Big Love.
I would consider it. However, the story ended the way I intended it. So it might be a while.

If you like, you or someone else can take it up from here. Honestly Millionman, writing stories is a lot of fun, more than reading them, I think. Try out a a few paragraphs and see if you like it. If not, encourage someone else. You've been very supportive that way and I appreciate it.

All the best,

A.
 
Old 07-11-2007   #85 (permalink)
aliensrus is offline

Quote:
Originally Posted by crescendo69 View Post
I loved every word.
Thanks Crescendo. I appreciate the positive feedback. And that's just about as positive as it gets.

Thanks again.

Gio
 
Old 07-11-2007   #86 (permalink)
aliensrus is offline

Quote:
Originally Posted by legaleagel View Post
As always I loved it Aliensrus. If I have one minor criticism I felt the ending was maybe a bit rushed. I'd have loved more details of Mark's encounters with the school nurse or the daughter. Maybe some stuff from the hospital as they give birth.

However msot of all I'd just like to say thankyou for another wonderful story. I'm really looking forwrad to the next one.
Legaleagel,

You might be right about the rushed part. I really felt like Doug in the end, wondering when everyone was going to sleep. I could have filled in more detail, flashback scenes, etc but I had a definite theme in mind, Doug's comeuppance, and I guess I thought he'd suffered enough.

As I told Millionman, you might want to try it out yourself, writing about the school nurse and the daughter. I alluded to a lot of sexual adventures that the teenager had but you can fill those in. You were talking about giving this a try in a thread somewhere around here. Feel free to give it a try with my characters or make some of your own.

I have no intention of writing another story unless I get hit with writer's block again. These stories do get me through some miserable bouts. And I never say never...

Thanks again,

A.
 
Old 07-11-2007   #87 (permalink)
jjsuperbird is offline

Congratulations Aliensrus!

You have stimulated great discussion on this site because you have tried some interesting and different twists and turns in your writing.

I love that you set out to develop a theme and stuck to it. Good writing, good development of the theme and good fun!

Lots of time and effort went into this story and you definitely got a reaction from readers. The best compliment a writer could receive is engagement and reaction from readers.

Well done. I hope another theme will motivate you to once again share your creative talents with us loyal readers in the LPSG fictitious stories section.

Cheers

JJ
 
Old 07-11-2007   #88 (permalink)
jakethesnake is offline

great series...if there is ever a continuation you should ponder over writing about one of his sons highschool escapades. either way i look forward to you writing more stories.
 
Old 08-18-2007   #89 (permalink)
SpoiledPrincess is offline

I felt the section you posted on 6/3/07 was by far the best because it seemed to rely less heavily on dialogue, dialogue is very hard to handle and tends to sound unrealistic within the structure of a story, my feelings are it should be kept to an absolute minimum. I also felt that the end was a bit rushed, you could have dwelt perhaps on the self doubts his comeuppance might have engendered. PLUS why weren't they man eating dolphins who chewed his knob off.
It's fairly obvious that you wrote this over a period of time because there are differences in feeling between the sections, I appreciate that you take constructive criticism well so what about writing your piece, then leaving it to ferment for a little while, then before posting it going over it quickly amending it so it has a more coherent feel?
 
Old 08-19-2007   #90 (permalink)
torturedbeacon is offline

I loved every part of this story -- keep up the great work :)
 

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