For some reason this almost mirrors one of my worst theft moment (one of many) in which I was with my elderly Aunt in a store near Albany. Unfortunately I got caught and it was not a freebie pen. She first told the shopkeeper that there was no way I would have done it and then when it was found out I had she was confused. Stealing just wasn't something she would ever do. For me stealing was my first feeling of exhilaration which was enough to get me away from me. Thank the lucky stars I eventually found booze--and a vast array of pain killers. After that stealing incident I was sent to yet another relative who fortunately left the door open for me to run away--which is where and when things really got interesting.


Tell you what Pecker--when I get to Hell (and I will definitely be going there with my record), I'll try to send you an all clear or a message that you'll soon be welcome and my new neighbor with regards to your theft of a free item--your intent is what could get you a roasting pan near me.



Other fun moments were destroying a neighbor kids bicycle when I was 12, mixing various components of things in the medicine chest in my father's drinking glass (and not washing it out after pouring out the weird concoctions), putting lots of salt in my brother's juice and watching him gag on it, adding a bottle of tabasco sauce to a sister-in-laws homemade tomato sauce (I never cared much for Gail and her la di da attitude so I decided on revenge).

I have done things of the sexual nature to various pieces of office equipment (phones, adding machines, ejaculating into desk drawers of bosses), a few times years back while working alone on a weekend I would don another workers uniform trousers, never wearing underwear and--well you get the idea.


For me the list of infractions and strange behavioral actions is nearly endless.