Sensitive issue: How to ask for an abortion

There's a saying that goes, if you wait until you're able to afford and totally ready for children, you'll NEVER have them. And I think it's true.

I'm like Kotchanski, my pregnancy wasn't exactly planned. I was only 20 and really worried about how we'd cope. But we did, you just do. And now I am blessed.

You know what they say.... if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans lol

I second the comments made by Kotchanski.

When you have sex, you risk getting pregnant. Yes, the pill and condoms obviously prevent most of it, but it isn't 100%.

I think the best thing to do is, look at this as a gift. This child was conceived despite protection. It would have two parents. Some children only have one.

I agree that you should talk with her. If you must consider abortion, also consider adoption and the idea of keeping the baby. Don't just go in there and State Abortion Or NOTHING!!!

Since this is a surprise, you are probably still very shocked. You need time to cool off. Think about it. A baby grows on you, especially when you realize that it is YOUR Child. Are you so willing to get rid of something that is Half yours and HALF of the person you love more than anyone else in the world?

well, one of my thouhts is... if you are a decent person and do have the child, you will not regret it years from now. put that in your pipe and smoke it

to elaborate this point, if u have the child you will love it and not regret it being born. Yet, on the other hand, ignorance is bliss.. so i'm not sure what u shud do lol

Methinks the two of you should have talked about what you would do in the event of an unintended pregnancy, long ago.

There is no sensitive way to ask for an abortion.

[quote=jeff black;639380]When you have sex, you risk getting pregnant. /quote]

Are you sure Jeff?

The thought that you might resent her for the remainder of your marriage is really just puerile. Relationships have all sorts of challenges and yet we don't reserve the right to be "resentful" should things not work out to all of our expectations. I sympathise with you since yes it is a challenge and a huge responsibility bringing a child into the world. Your life will never be the same. But it also can be a huge blessing and if you make the decision to cherish this child you will probably never look back with regret. That said, life is not perfect and it could all go to shit. But it's a crapshoot, life that is. So buck up and make a commitment that you won't be resentful it's really about your character. If your petty and shallow yes you might resent her or the child. But if you make the decision to take responsibility and make something of the situation then it will be a huge character building excercise. Who knows you might find it to be a hugely rewarding and life enriching experience...that is what I'm betting.

It's a rumour, I know.... I had to risk saying it.
* at least someone read my post...*

Have you and Alex planned any names?

You HAVE discussed the matter before, so it's ok to talk to her about it. Simple as that. Just try to be sensitive. If she changed her mind, there's nothing you can do about the baby, leading you to:

- Accept the situation as it is, in the name of your love for her.
- Divorce (but please be a man and be there fot your child).

Good luck man. Don't be afraid to bring the subject up, but respect her.

yeah, shudda, cudda, wudda, whats done is done

c'mon, I'm sure we've all had sex at one time or another without thinking about having a child

First, I just watched a friend get an abortion because her partner wanted her to. It ripped her to shreds. In some part of her, she resents him for forcing that decision on her. She then went and got pregnant on purpose less than a year later by the same guy. Every time I look at this couple, I think, wow, that made sense.

If you're going to have kids anyway in a few years, why not just accept this one as an unexpected gift? Once you got married, you pretty much ceded any right to live a "stress-free life." You take on the lfe of another when you say, "I do" and must respect your wife's wishes as much as your own. In this case, more than your own, probably, since she will be the one to carry, birth, and possibly even take care of the child more than half the time.

The part about resenting the child or your wife-- that's your choice. You can choose to look at this any way you want, which is where the resentment would come from. You could also choose to look at is as a blessing.

As I type this, I have a 19 month old crawling around at my feet. At this very second he is using a set of keys as a phone to talk on. I don't think I've gotten a good night's sleep in years. He's also trying to type. He's the most wonderful thing in the universe. When I was pregnant, I got profoundly ill-- I was on bed rest, couldn't work, was in and ot of the hospital. I am still not 100% back to normal, and may never be. Financially, things aren't that great. Added to that, my husband wanted a child more than I did. Am I resentful of my husband or my child? Not at all. I get angry at the world on occasion because most people don't get as sick as I do and have the resultant disasters. But, my family is the one thing in this world that keeps me going no matter what. I can't explain it, but other parents will understand, that the trade-off is so worth it. My life before my son was so empty in comparison. Even if I was a lot healthier, more productive, and had money.

Abortion is not without ramifications, as easy as it may seem compared to raising a child.

Jeffery,

You have several options, but none of them mean life will be the same as it was before your wife got pregnant. Pregnancy changes things, any way you deal with it.

I urge you to be mature. Think not only about how this is changing your life, but how it is changing the life of your wife, too. She deserves at least that.

Next, be HONEST. Talk to your wife about your fears, and really LISTEN to what she has to say about them. Don't cut her off when she's talking, even if she cuts you off. Really taking the effort to listen to her will mean a lot for both of you down the road.

Mostly, don't pressure her into anything. Believe it or not, by carrying this child to term SHE is not pressuring you into anything. You decided to have children the very first time you fucked her...

The advice given here has been absolutely phenomenal; attesting to the rather sound character of many on LPSG.

Personally I've had little things haunt me years later out of the clear blue. Something said, something left unsaid, something done, something left undone (hence this post), will like a bolt out of subconscious thought pierce through and come to the forefront.

Ridiculous stuff. A ridiculous example? Several years ago I proctored an SAT test. I didn't take it seriously. The only reason I did it was because I was asked to. Definitely, not for the money. It went fairly well but I flubbed reading instructions in a couple of places (enough to get some complaints). At the time I just let it all kind of just roll off my back. No big deal. Then like a random thought it comes back and says, hey that was somebody's life you trivialized. But see how stupid it is. I'd guess these people were complaining because they weren't happy with their scores.

I can only imagine what I would feel like if I asked someone to get an abortion let alone if the abortion was actually followed through on. Adoption is probably a great alternative.

Besides consider Pascal's Wager

fRemember though that he has said his wife is rather keen on the idea of having a baby. Giving away a child you don't want would be hard enough, imagine handing over a baby you do want. I don't think she's going to go for adoption as an option.

Amen to that!