For men and women, what strange things have you masturbated with?

I think we've all improvised and made up some pretty fun things to masturbate with, even the men among us. Though most of us are probably well-experienced with Rosie Palm and her five sisters, let's talk about the objects we've grown to love-- the stranger, the better. Have a great dildo or vibrator? How about that really nice shower massager that you got from your in-laws for Christmas (brazenly stolen from Gain on 10 in the Ideal Penis thread)? Make, model number, serial number... The more detail the better.

I'll start.

Gilette M3 Power Razor-- it's got nubbies! it's small! it's discreet! it vibrates! it shaves my legs! love it.

those REALLY REALLY big markers. Those things are 6 inches at least in girth and long.

handles on hairbrushes. the assortment of shapes, sizes, textures are quite interesting.

screwdriver (just. don't. ask.)

handheld detachable showerhead with various pulsating settings.

vibrating and heating "back massager" given to me by my college roommate in front of her parents, a minister and the church organist

Ok, so I don't feel like a complete freak, chime in here for me. Men too, I just didn't know where else this might go that's more appropriate.

Snooz

Well, I pretty much just grab it and go. I shake it out at first and then when it gets harder, just stroke it. The fantasy in my mind is the importnat part. If I'm laying down I might fantasize about her on top or if the fantasy is doggie I'll stand up and get into it that way.

Sometimes on cold mornings I'll lay a full pillow on top of me and pretend to be feeling her ass and scratching her back while she rides me. So, I guess a pillow. Girls hump pillows too, right?

Edit: Yeah, I look at hairbrush handles now and laugh. As obvious as naming the band "Queen" but so bold and up front most people don't notice it.

Humm...

I've improvised with an electric toothbrush (no, not the bristle side ) - it makes a good little vibrator.

Sugar

when I was a kid I used to put it in the canaster vaccum hose - it vibrated so hard and fast I would cum in minutes - then my dick was to big to put it in hard - so I started holding the shower massage against it on pulse - was awesome... now I just beat it the old fashioned way thinking about sucking a 12 in cock lol

This is going to be SO embarrassing ....... ( never one to shy away from experimentation )

ok here goes....

Bannana ; peeled, and unpeeled...prefer peeled

Cucumber after I put it in the microwave to take the chill off....don't do that......it fell apart inside me not good

computer mouse ( not wireless and I was desperate for anything) not big enough, or very good really , but funny.

The romote control for the tv ( I told you this would be cringy)

Deoderant bottle , spray kind, and roll on

shampoo bottle ( round kind of shape) in the bath thats usually what I reach for

Water tap on bath when filling up set on quite hot temp and running fast...need to get in awkward postition as tap is on the side of the bath ...but well worth the effort for a quickie.

electric tooth brush non bristle side ...not strong enough...made me go find the barmix for its buzz (dangerous) ...still not strong enough....went to get silver bullet out from toy chest and do the job right...was a frustrating day.

washing machine ALOT .....good for sly I am just leaning here doing the washing kinda orgasm ( I used to have the BEST old shakey jump around washing machine EVER....till my husband thought clean washing was more important than my dirty mind and bought a new one)

Spa jets...ALOT

shower head...not strong enough ...but ok for insertion ..

..........I am stopping now



Honey

i'd hope most guys here are familiar with the thing i think was called a 'water willy', water filled long donut type thing, quite fun to slide through. hot tub jets, well placed can be a good buddy as well

http://www.hamptools.com/images/products/273219_SML.jpg


One woman said she used these to great effect. Lubed up the handles, the long one for her vagina and the shorter one for her ass. She said it was easy to grip and manouver.

Wild Honey, good for you, woman!! I was not cringing at all, though I did get some ideas. I've never been much on using food-- mostly because of the breakage factor. Going to the ER to get a stump of carrot removed from my vagina is not my idea of a good time.

One time an old lover of mine put the belt he had been wearing inside of me-- at the time I had no idea what it was and didn't care. It was interesting, to say the least.

A friend of mine (female) loved wine bottles.

Also, when I was a young teenager, I had a canopy bed, and the finials on the bed were the first things I used. I was always paranoid that my mom would find out.

Snooz

Wine bottles or similar are very dangerous to play with unless they have a hole drilled in them to prevent a suction effect from happening. When you see people using a champagne bottle they usually shake the bottle to create an outward pressure to avoid this. But bottles in general are dangerous toys. They can get stuck with suction too easily.

I knew a lady who's husband didn't give her sex so she got off on carrots and put them in his dinner. She was the church pianist. She often went without underwear to church. Religious women are freaks.

If you microwave a cucumber to warm it up put it in a condom afterwards to keep it from going to mush.

I've never heard of men using toys.

Confession time..

Carrots
Hair brush
Banana (photograhic purposes, dont ask)
My fav i used for a long long time was a galliano sambucca bottle.
And numerous things i cant remember

Really? There are a ton of them marketed specifically for men-- the Fleshlight is the first one that comes to mind-- you can get a vagina one, an anus one, or one that doesn't look like any body part. There's also the realdoll and various types of blow up dolls... Pocket pussies. If you like to get penetrated, butt plugs and anal beads are just a start.

Sex toys and masturbation for everyone!

Our sex toys are called porno mags.

Intresting, I can say I have never used anything but my hands, and my imagination to masterbate....

Normally only my fingers, but I tried also one time a cucumber, a candle and my handy in a condom