Double Lives...

I wanted to post on this topic earlier but I didnt have time, now I can post a reply:

I feel like i'm in the same situation as you - I have my Bisexual side which is in my mind and gets air time on LPSG, and my strait guy persona which everyone who knows me sees.

I don't want to face the judgement of my family and friends. My family have made it clear that they're ok whatever ( I think they thought I was gay for a while as I never had a girlfrfiend), but I just don't have the guts to be strait forward about it... I'm afraid of what people think about me and how I come across, and I'm afraid that by revealing that side of myself openly I'd be retracting the shell and leaving myself open to harsh judgements and criticisms and bigotory.

It's easy enough saying "fuck it, I don't care what anyone thinks", but its a doctrine I can't follow, and I doubt I ever will be. The people I know think I'm a strait forward, fairly confident bloke, but I have to put it on, I'm preoccupied with what people think of me.

And yes, yes I have tried, and succeeded in not-giving-a-fuck, but I had to paper over my insecurities with arrogance and this ended up pushing a lot of people away, and I was brought down by a very perceptive person, who saw every flaw in me and pointed them out... it's a long story, but she was justified in everything she said. Perhaps what she said had cruel intentions, but she was right.

I'm afraid I can't offer very much advice, I'm battleing with it, struggling with daily, and I have no answer. Perhaps one day I'll find one, or perhaps Ill live out my life protected by a shell of my own devising and not coming out.

Someguy---I want to give you a small piece of advice---because I sttruggled and fought with myself over my sexuality until I was 31. And all that struggling got me was a half-wasted life. I wasted my youth over that struggle, always making excuses for "someday" I'd work it out, and I would devote the time and resources to working towards a relationship with someone, etc. All it gets you is OLD. I'm not saying you are gay, or straight, or BI. That is something we all have to look deep inside to figure out, and to what level, and how far we want to take it. Society DOES judge you, definately, and usually for the most superficial, stupid stuff that has nothing to do with who you really are. That is a given, no matter who you are. But I CAN tell you, that after really asking yourself the tough questions, and being willing to be honest enough with yourself to accept the answers when your heart and mind tell you, if you CAN accept those answers, you are better off. I spent very long periods of time, even a period where I went for over ten years without even a friend beyond a casual work friend, alone, because of this battle. It isn't worth it. It isn't worth the sleepless nights, the fear of "what if someone discovers who I REALLY am inside". I got tired of the fight, and finally accepted myself. Did my life magically change? Of course not. Did I instantly find the love of my life, win the lottery, and live happily ever after? Hell, no. What is DID do, was to take away that animal in my brain that spent far too many years beating the shit out of me, and made him powerless. You will still care how you are perceived, and not like being judged, especially wrongly, but you won't be as willing to accept being shit on about being who you are deep inside. And you will be relieved of the stress THAT causes. Hang in there, and don;t be afraid of yourself. From all I have seen, you are a fantastic guy, with a hell of alot of great qualities, who just need the chance to shine. And if you don;t sabotage it from beating yourself up, I think you'll be surprised at just HOW brightly you will shine! Make it happy, buddy--I believe in you!

DavidJh, your a beautiful soul, that was a really gorgeous post.

:)

Honey

Thank you, Honey. I only hope that Someguy gets something from it, because I mean it, and I really DO think he is an increadible young man, and that the person--whether it is guy, girl, or both--who gets the privaledge of loving, and being loved by him, will be a very very lucky person!

Sexuality is facinating, I agree. I also agree with the other members who responded. Relax and don't worry about what everyone else thinks. I understand you come from a very traditional family, and I understand your concerns.
When I was your age (sorry how that sounds) I was having the time of my life. I met people through friends, female and male, and I experimented with both. Both were sexually arousing to me, at that time I didnt know anyone bi. Things are much different today, you will meet people through school or work or friends. Thats how I did, my first experience outside of fooling around with same sex friends in High School was a female friends husband. It just happened! Well, a bit of non-verbal flirting goes a long way! And I also tried out chicks too, that was hot too. So enjoy being young and beautifull, have fun, you are growing as we all do. I think that is what life is about and what makes it such a gift, growing, learning, laughing, sharing and loving.
Have fun but be safe. Do you know where Wisdom comes from? Experience!
I am probably at that one end of the spectrom, I have always been uncoventional in my thinking and actions/decisions. You can't always live up to all of other people expectations, and live your life to make everyone else happy, because you wont be happy. I have known many people who have went that route, and eventially your true self comes out, so know yourself and love who you are. Diversity is a wonderfull thing. No two people are alike.
There are many other people who feel the same as you, just look around, you will meet others.

wow, this is some of the best posting i've seen here (to be fair, i've only been looking for not too long, but i never expected people to be THIS helpful, sweet!)

i empathize a LOT with not big, not small's plight. was thinking about it driving back from some meetings just now, and this goes for society in general on LOTS of topics but i get so tired of the either/or line of thinking. you either HAVE to be this or you HAVE to be that and davidjh7's comments are massively on the button here, i do have some idea of who i am sexually and its not 100% straight and not 100% gay. why isn't there a "% bi" to choose from on this site? does saying i'm 80% straight and 20% gay mean i'm 100%? why am i even concerned with the labels in the first place? lvsxy808 i totally get your point there, owning who you are, whatever that is, but there are some of us out here who are still not sure what we are cause it changes all the time for one thing.

i don't know, i'm rambling here i think, but at least its cool to know there are a few level headed folks here who are able to give some great points of view, some great advice from lives lived and most of all some great support for those of us on journeys that are a little rocky at the moment.

You guys are awesome! At first I thought no one would respond (my posts aren't too popular!), but I guess this topic hit home very deep on some people, like it is to me. In a way, I'm glad to know I'm not the only 'weirdo' that doesn't know what the heck he is. But I'm also glad I'm this way, I've heard and read about those who are bi or 'metro' have the 'best of both worlds'. I don't remember exactly the terms but it basically said you have the best qualities of females and males, like having a male and female personality, that sometimes struggle with each other.. You can be sensible, yet to the point... something like that, and I think it's true for me and I think it makes me more open minded and understanding of anything, male or female issues. I see this cuz I connect very good with female friends and they tell me they can trust me with anything, while they can't do that with other guys, yet they don't see me as gay or bi. I also have, fewer, but good guy friends, but we only connect as far 'str8 friends' do. I notice that none of my guy friends have such close friendships with women, nor men. So I do appreciate this about myself.

I think we can all see, by the deepness of thoughts on these posts, that this is a very sensible issue to some of us and how just by reading other peoples thoughts and support it puts a smile on your face.

Yeah I have to post here too. I'm married & bisexual, at least in thought, if not deed. Yep, I'm one of "those" guys who seems to know his shit from shinola, but trust me, I understand my sexuality and I'm 100% happy with it. Am I happy over-all? Nope. I wish I could have a lot of things I can't have: wish I could have grown up in a more open time period; wish I were more attractive; wish I had a way with the guys & girls; wish I were more hung. But I'm me & you've just GOT to learn to be accepting of yourself. Just because I'm bi doesn't mean I HAVE to get divorced; nor does it mean I'll ever play around. It just means I have same-sex attractions but truth is, I'd rather NOT have them because 100% straight people have a greater liklihood of being happy in our society. Our society is geared toward this. It's slowly becoming more open & accepting, but when I see a cereal ad on TV where the kids are wanting their breakfast and the parents are both male, THEN I'll know open-ness is truly on its way.

Truth is, I'm conflicted too. I don't know what I *really* want. I know what my dick wants, and so far he's not gotten his way. That's really not good, it's not healthy to deprive yourself of something so important. I've learned that now, and would experiment a LOT more in my youth if I had it to do over again.

Best of luck to you. Needless to say, you're far from alone.

These posts are so good... the best I have ever read. So true and so full of care. All respect to you davidjh7!

I hope that you've managed to live and experiment Not, not.