Holding hands

I'm surprised to see some of the negative reactions to the question, especially the ones suggesting that hand-holding is contrived or "marking territory." My partner an I enjoy physical contact with each other. We enjoy touching. I can understand if someone just doesn't enjoy it, and there probably are a few out there who have motives for doing it, but in my relationship, it is just simply affection. At home, we give each other random kisses, we often touch as we pass going about our routines, and especially at bedtime: we snuggle when we get in bed, throughout the night, and when the alarm goes off, we spend 5 or 10 minutes snuggling and planning our day. It isn't a sign for anyone, it isn't a control issue, it isn't a "socially rebellious" thing... we are just very fond of one another.

What you just described is what a lot of straight women long for. Pay attention husbands and men with live-in girlfriends.

Never have held hands with my boyfriend in public, and am not really interested in doing so. I couldn't handle the pointing and stares.

I'm more a fan of the arm drape than the hand shake.

Found this a while ago. Here seems like as good a place as any to share it:

"I love to kiss and cuddle and hold someone in my arms. I love to plan things and look forward to them. I love to sleep late on the weekends and hide under the covers from predators.

I want a man that I can hold up against me on a cold Saturday morning, whisper in his ears, kiss and lick his neck and plan our day together. Someone who will put their arm around by shoulder and pat my back to celebrate my successes and wrap their paws around me when the world has foresaken me.

I want a man that I am so sexually attracted to that I can't breathe when I am around him. If I can't have that for a lifetime, then just a week... or a day.. or an hour would be o.k. too. But I am holding out for the lifetime.

I want my life to be full of possibilities.

I want someone to tell me that he loves me. Not all that often. Just occasionally."

Thanks for that, Lex. You have seen Tawse and me together in public. You can vouch that we are neither insecure, nor dainty, nor possessive.

Ushah, if there are people out there ignorant and gauche enough to point and stare at me, then maybe I'll give them an education. I really care not at all what they think.

Oh yeah--it was clear that you two adore each other and all that--even as you groped and pawed other people as well!

It's hard to be comfortable in your own skin. Sad.

I'll be generous, Lex, and imagine that he meant fearing his own safety around violent homophobes... even at that, it's going to take more than just a few of them, armed, to have the advantage over Tawse and me. We both have some strength, and I have some training and experience in close combat... so, no, I don't worry that much about other people.

If none of us ever stands up and endures the staring and pointing--If we refuse to educate people and help them to see that we are all the same, then we'll never be able to comfortably do all the things everyone else can.

I must agree with scanjock8 on this one. It seems so contrived. A peck on the cheek, a whisper in the ear, a wink, a warm smile or an arm around the shoulder work for me. I will hold someone else's hand to help or guide, but that's it-- and only for a short while.

Quote:

Originally Posted by scanjock8 prolonged pda always seems contrived to me. the problem with holding hands is someone always has to let go first, and i can't help but feel obligated to hold on longer than i want (when i didn't even want to hold hands in the first place). you're forced to adjust your walking pace faster or slower. you lose a hand for gesturing. and your palms get sweaty. i know it's a sweet gesture, but i just end up annoyed by the mechanics of it all. i hold my nephew's hand to keep him from running into traffic and offer my hand as a lift or for support--functional hand holding.

Pecker THanks again for putting up a fun thread, it amazes me the wide range of comments to such a basic fun loving comment.

Although I do love the way my hubby got me to hold his hand the very first time. HE SAID HIS HANDS WERE COLD.

My guy and I aren't into public displays of affection. Yes, we're out and all that, but somehow our love is so precious and personal that we prefer to keep it for ourselves. PDAs seem to trivialise our bond...make it cheap, almost.

We give each other an unmistakably sexual kiss whenever we welcome or fare each other well at an airport, or such. But we generally don't hold hands in public...I couldn't convince him to hold hands walking down the street in Provincetown, even. Call us repressed, fucked up, whatever.

We often joke about wanting a gay marriage, but hating the idea of a gay wedding--the consummate PDA. I don't think we could bear making such a spectacle of ourselves--dancing, holding hands, and the inevitable moment where you-may-now-kiss-the-groom.

Once the door is closed, though, it's a different matter. "Home" is where we connect, where flesh meets flesh, where we bare our bodies. We touch, in some way, constantly. OK, I leave him alone when he's using a wok and he leaves me alone when I take out the trash. But otherwise, we're all over each other, 24/7. That's what defines "home" for us.

When do we hold hands? In private moments.

Discreetly, in the back seat of a cab. When I'm driving, I rest my hand on the gear lever, and he rests his own atop it (This worked much better when we lived in Japan rather than the USA. I could keep my favoured hand on the steering wheel).

And, oddly, in bed. We go to sleep, bodies entwined. But after a while, guys being guys, our limbs flail about and we're all over the bed. A couple of times a night, his hand reaches out for mine, and generally finds it. He squeezes my hand, so we know the contact isn't a chance meeting of body parts. No matter how many times he does this, it's always precious to me. I feel incredibly loved.

Not something I want to repeat in the A&P, personally.

HB8

P.S. Profuse apologies for not looking you up in P-Town, Stronzo. It was a whirlwind visit! Next time, though...

This was not a direct shot at anyone, through my opinion. I was stating that when me and my ex would go out shed always want to hold my hand, like always. And I asked her why she always held my hand one day and she said she was afraid to lose me, which cant be true seeing as how she broke up with me a week later lol.

Midus, I can understand your reluctance when it IS so contrived. But with my partner and me, it isn't a "I demand that you hold my hand, NOW!" kind of thing. It is always spontaneous, and we do it when we are awake or even sleeping.

headbang, I understand that you want your affection to be "private", but my partner and I touch each other in such a way that is not that conscious. A pat on the back, a touch on the upper arm, a brief squeeze of his hand, it just happens, we don't have time to think, "Is anyone else looking?" No, it's never like high school kids who have dated for 1.5 weeks. LOL I hate to admit it, but it's more like the cute 90-year-old couple you see walking in the park, hand in hand, and you think, "Oh, that's so cute... I hope we are like that 50 years from now."

On the humorous side, one morning, we were having our usual first-thing-in-the-morning cuddle and talk. He said, "I can just imagine us, years from now, just like this when we are 80 years old." He got huffy with me when I corrected him by saying "Excuse me, but you will be 80, and I will be 75." We kissed and made up, though.