Mixed orientation and monogamy

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It never crossed my mind to have a threesome with my GF's GF, though she once tried to engineer a situation in which I would fuck her (without our GF's knowledge as far as I know) even though she was supposed to be lesbian.

My view was and still would be to accept the desires of a partner that I just couldn't be involved in. That said, I have seen so much of human nature that consistently fails the attempt of monogamy that I don't now even try to have monogamous relationships. Though I would still distinguish between same orientation failure and not exactly same orientation failure.

If you are happy to get your oats from one place, does that make you a cereal monogamist?

For my Muse of Fire

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."

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"Cheat"
1. to defraud; swindle: He cheated her out of her inheritance.
2. to deceive; influence by fraud: He cheated us into believing him a hero.
3. to elude; deprive of something expected: He cheated the law by suicide.
4. to practice fraud or deceit: She cheats without regrets.
5. to violate rules or regulations: He cheats at cards.
6. to take an examination or test in a dishonest way, as by improper access to answers.

If there is none of the above, it is not cheating!

If, in a marriage and/or relationship, it is disucussed and agreed upon by both parties that either or both are free to seek other relationships, sexually or not, then one can hardly accuse them of cheating.

If, it is understood that each will be the others "one and only", and either side deviates from that agreement, then it is cheating.

It's so easy for others to condemn what they don't agree with, or understand.

Freud - to constrain sexual drives to socially accepted "norms" is something that we "learn."
Why is it so important to you whether someone calls themselves straight or not (unless they choose to berate gays)
I Love him 100%, and his 50% belongs to me
It takes more love to share my saddle than it does to share my bed

Agreed. Cheating only happens if there's a legally binding contract (i.e. Marriage). If there's no contract involved then its not cheating.

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..really? So even if you've been in a relationship for years and you have verbally discussed/agreed upon not seeing or sleeping with other people, and the person does, it's not cheating, because they don't have a piece of paper?

I had discussed opening a monogamous relationship with my ex, and he declined. Then I found out he had been sneaking around on me and wasn't even using protection. That's cheating. And no, we weren't married. What really pissed me off, other than that he risked my own health, is that he did this after saying he didn't want to allow the possibility of him, or myself introducing anybody else into our relationship in any way shape or form.

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I would even disagree with that. If that marriage contract does not include exclusive monogamy (forsaking all others), but an agreement, or guidelines that may or may not include outside involvement, then as long as those guidelines are followed, it's still not cheating.

"Cheating" only occurs when rules or agreements are not respected.

Freud - to constrain sexual drives to socially accepted "norms" is something that we "learn."
Why is it so important to you whether someone calls themselves straight or not (unless they choose to berate gays)
I Love him 100%, and his 50% belongs to me
It takes more love to share my saddle than it does to share my bed

Yes because I feel that no one should have any real ownership over the other when the only thing they're doing is dating. A boyfriend or a girlfriend is not the same as a husband or a wife.

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Thanks, MM. I'm always flattered and appreciative when you agree with me.

'N how yoo doin'?

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But a relationship is different than 'dating'...how would anyone get married in the first place if they didn't respect their partner to not sleep around when they were in a relationship?

It's nothing to do with 'ownership'. You still don't own the other person once you are married.

If people have such a perception during relationships, it's highly unlikely their views would change during marriage. You'd just find more loopholes to justify cheating.

Now, I'm not an artist; I'm a f*ing work of art.

(I don't cam...I have better things to do with my life, deal with it. ) You will also be wasting your time if you pm me. But don't send me a friend request without talking to me first.

http://liz742617000027.blogspot.com.au/

If you're not dating your boyfriend and not married to him, then what kind of relationship is it? Again a boyfriend is not the same as a husband.

And for the record, people are supposed to get married by seeing several people at once and not by seeing someone one at a time.

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Well I'm sure as fuck glad that I've never been in a relationship with someone who had the same outlook as some.. oh wait, that's right, I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who had that type of values. Ever.

If I'm just casually going on dates with someone, yeah, there's no form of commitment/formalized relationship. If I'm actually someone's significant other, it's a whole different thing. And a piece of paper and some different types of taxes doesn't change that. Being married doesn't give any implication of "ownership" either. A collar and a leash does

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Wow, how immature....so are you just going to marry someone after going on one date with them? A boyfriend can be a life partner, who you then may become your husband.

Marriage is more than a piece of paper...it's a relationship, and before you get married you need to have a steady relationship with someone.

And what 'record' is that from? The Douche's Guide to Marriage?

Don't even know why I'm bothering. Good luck finding a wife with those values...

+1

Now, I'm not an artist; I'm a f*ing work of art.

(I don't cam...I have better things to do with my life, deal with it. ) You will also be wasting your time if you pm me. But don't send me a friend request without talking to me first.

http://liz742617000027.blogspot.com.au/

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I don't approach this as a cheating issue. I look at it in terms of accommodating a partner's orientation. I am prepared to do that and see it as strenghthening a relationship rather than harming it. I wouldn't want to be interested in someone who put their concepts above my nature.

If you are happy to get your oats from one place, does that make you a cereal monogamist?

For my Muse of Fire

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."

NO!!! You've completely misunderstood what I meant. Dating does not end with the first person who has interest in us. You don't marry someone after one date. Having an open relationship while dating around allows you to make a more informed decision so that you'll know when your life partner comes along (i.e. marriage) instead of putting all of your eggs into one basket by seeing one person at a time.

But then again you wouldn't know about since you'd get jealous if you were in a open relationship with your bf even though you're not in a official relationship yet which is immature. But enough I'm done.

And before I go that 'record' is from here

DATING--Rules: how to and how not to - SexInfo101.com Forum

and here

Exclusivity vs. Dating Around - SexInfo101.com Forum

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Monogamy and cheating are two different things. Monogamy is an agreement. Cheating is breaking an agreement. If you agree not to be monogamous, such as the example from your own life that you supplied, Drifter, then it isn't cheating. It's what you agreed.

If a couple isn't monogamous but they have both agreed not to be, it is not cheating.

Reading further in the thread, I think the signing of a piece of paper or not is secondary to the mutual mind-set of both parties; i.e. many formally married couples are comfortable having affairs and don't make a fuss about infidelity unless they are threatened in some other fashion.

When your girlfriend attempted to have sex with you behind her girlfriend's back, you were not cheating, but she was, because she was trying to conceal something about which she seemed ashamed. Why should she be ashamed of desiring you? That's slightly insulting, isn't it?

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If you think that sex is simply a sexual desire that can be controlled, then you are right Helga. I am thinking of the more complex needs associated with a mixed orientation.

It would also appear that a lot of people are not open, not least to themselves, about their orientation. Do the people here with mixed orientations tell their partners, or do you think it is OK not to mention it because it won't be an issue?

If you are happy to get your oats from one place, does that make you a cereal monogamist?

For my Muse of Fire

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."