" Kimiquiesha's Wedding "

Four kids will be going to some big time universities for free...

Forget your Hemi, you'll be driving a pimped out Rolls, Baby.

Monty,

My costumes were our little secret. How could suggest I do this?

Oh... should I call 911 for your electrical burns ,Lex?

I was just trying to give Jana's sewing business a plug lol.

How could you makes jokes when my honor is going down for the count? You dont love me any more...... ( Naughty runs off howling in despair... looking for her sewing shears)

Sis, you are as black and twisted as I am. You LIVE on the dark side.

Just think of how you can go down in INFAMY for ALL of ETERNITY, babe!!

And why do you think you need to lose respect to be a pron star?

Jenna Jameson, Steve Parker, Lex Steele, I respect the SHIT out of them. I DO.


WOOOF~!!

(Telephone call continues...)
Lex,
What was it you once told me? Lie down with dogs and you come up with fleas? Well, I'm scratchin' big time, baby....(Naughty trying to recover from the trauma of the day slowly moves her swollen and dejected frame over to a chair when all of a sudden she is seized with a terrible pain in her abdomen and she feels something warm and wet running down her legs) Ooooh Ooooh I think something is happening here..... LEX! Get Monty,Get the doctor, get my MOTHER! Aaaaaeeeeeeiiiiiiieeeeeee!

OMG OMG OMG!!!

She did look like she was about to pop. ;>

*Grabbing Kimmie's overnight bag and trying to get the kids ready to drop off at the Uncles' house*

I must say, this was a fast pregnancy...looks like you might be pretty slim for the wedding!

You haven't lost any honor--we've all been led down a rocky road, so we're all in this together. We're just going to make the best of it and hold our heads up high. Look at all the Hollywood types and the trashy lives they lead and they act as if nothing is wrong. Just because we know better doesn't mean that we can't have some stumbles along the way. These days no one even hardly pays attention. A few people may talk, but they've got secrets too. If they start talking trash, we can threaten to air out their dirty laundry.

Now come on, Baby, we've got to hurry to the hospital--twins are on the way!

I guess they couldnt wait! I was having twinges earlier today but I thought it was indigestion and then this Pastor Freddie thing just sent me over the edge. Why are you preaching while I am standing here feeling like a watermelon about to burst! Where is Q? Where is Coco? Sweeties Mommy loves you .Daddy is taking me to the hospital and when I come back you are going to have a baby brother and sister. No Q, sweetheart I am not going to bring you a new basketball. I didnt eat a basketball and Daddy will explain it all to you later. What? No, the babies aren't coming out like in your play dough machine. WHo told you that? NEVER MIND! Just go with Uncle Lex and Uncle Matty and dont break their swing! Oooooh, Ooooooh, Oooooh, oooooh....

Lex, baby, the kids are coming over in a hurry. Let's butch up the house QUICK!

(naughty talking in ragged breaths on the phone..."
Matty, I am so sorry to have to subject the two of you to Coco and Q again so soon but AHHHHH! it cant be helped. Just pop them if they misbehave. But then I know you two know what to do. I trust you to give them some tough love....AHHHHHHH Monty should be calling to check in as soon as we get there. I can not believe this. OMG! ALL I CAN SAY RIGHT NOW IS BE GLAD YOU ARE NOT A WOMAN!

Kimmie, all is OK. The wedding is still on. And the DVD vol. 2 will not go on sale after all. The deacons are afraid it might... ahem...er....tarnish the image of the mega church and its cathedral, chapels and worship centers designed to meet the needs of all somewhere: good and evil, religious and non religious, fundie and antifundie. However, a copy with the faces covered will be sold overseas and there should be enough profits for all four children's college education and pay for the new five manual pipe organ that Mont Mont wanted for the cathedral. After all we have to pay the star of the show.

So all will be OK. The ladies at the church will be thrilled. They won't have a woman in a tent coming down the aisle. You can wear white now coming down the aisle. Exactly who is going to give you away?

Your sick leave from the church is in order and you have eight weeks of maturnity leave. Will get a worship leader to fill in for you. Don't worry.

Prep Stud, the policy allows for you to have three weeks of paternity leave and then only organ duites on Sundays and Wednesdays for another five weeks. That was the best we could do. Aunt Tilda who plays down at Saddies Bar and Grill can only fill in the next three Sundays. Besides with the new organ being installed, we know you want to be first to play the new organ.

Aunt Tilda is having problem with the old pipe organ. She can't find the V3 vibrato. I explained that pipe organs both old and new don't have that. Only HAMMONDS have that. So Aunt Tilda will be bringing her Hammond Spinet and Leslie speaker to the cathedral from Saddies Bar and Grill after her Saturday night performance there of course. Do you think the people will be able to tell the difference between Aunt Tilda's Hammond Spinet organ and that new five manual pipe organ that is being installed as we speak?

I must say though, Kimmie, don't give Prep Stud any of that concoction that was in the iced tea on the honey moon. There is a reason Lex and Matt were walking funny and it was that ingredient in the ice tea that brought it on.

Kimmie, calm down, there thats better. it'll feel better when it quits hurting. I have three sons and it didn't hurt me a bit when they were born except for the places where the wife's finger nails dug deep into the skin. Unless this is one of those marathon 72 hour labor adventures, it will be over soon.

Got it!!

*runs around the house, taking down all the paintings and sculptures of naked men*


*locks the door to the basement dungeon and the, ahem, spare room*


*Throws piles of condoms. lube, poppers and assorted toys into the foot locker*

DOORBELL!!!

SHIT, I forgot to put on PANTS!!

Pastor,

I know at times of stress the pastor is usually the person to turn to for solace but you are in part responsible for this premature labor!!Ooh ohhh We are not going to discuss what precipitated this untimely event but I do Ahhhhhh! wnat you ... to... know... it... is not forgotten, Eeeeeh! Thank you for taking care of all of the arrangements for our leave. Ahhhhh! I can't believe you even dared to mention.... the honeymoon at a moment like this....I am just trying to deal with this out of body experince I am having at the moment.Walk funny? Honey, if I can feel anything after this it will be a miracle. I will try not to dig my nails into Monty when the pains hhhhh hit, but I cant make any promises.... but they say you forget a lot.... ahhhh eeeee! He told me that when I was ahhhh having Q I told him never to touch me in life again or he would lose the family jewels! Ahhhhh! As we can see my resolve must have been pain induced ... just say a prayer for us ,please.....or pray fpr me or just pray for my....aaaaaaeeeeeeee!