" Kimiquiesha's Wedding "

Where has Ms. Jana been? I took down my avatar, and she disappears. Doesn't she know this wedding has a cleavage quota? And Honey Girl, she needs practice planning weddings. She's also having one soon, am I right? HickBoy! You pulled off quick nuptials. I want your input and I want it bad! (Better ask the new Mrs.!) And unless you think his attention mongering will overshadow the bride, let's call in Vinny. Vinny! Bring that fine ass and that strong body here and regulate. Gisella! We need your keen sense of romance.

I will not be eating any murder burgers. I don't even call them that because I'm a vegan. I call them that because they wreck you 20 minutes later, causing you to murder an innocent toilet.

My cousin says that where she's from, when she got married, family often did the catering with the bride the night before. So she's giving me her best recipes, Kim. Oxtails, callaloo, rice and peas, yams (sweet potatoes), macaroni and cheese, and curried goat. She's declined to give me her recipe for codfish cakes, which I think make a better, if spicier alternative to White Castle sliders. Her husband reccomends ginger beer, Irish moss, and rum punch. I will make a separate bowl of rum-flavored punch, in deference to the bride.

From my own receipe files, and for my fellow vegers, I will provide a vegan cake so no one goes without desert, and soy ice cream to go with it. I will add stuffed eggplant, smothered cabbage, and baked tempeh. Fabulous. It really will be okay.

I expect your sisters, aunts, mother, father, uncles, brothers, crumb-snatchers, to assemble at my house at 8 AM. And their watches best not be on CPT. Tell them I said "Don't make me hunt you down!" A delicious vegan breakfast packed with vitamins, minerals, and omega 3 fatty acids will be served. So will organic coffee. Fresh ground, freshly brewed viejo-style. My Boricuas know what I'm talking about. Never sleep again. Tell your children that if either of them acts up in my house, I will pick up the other and beat them with their sibiling. Tell them I said, "Do not test." Bronxy don't play.

Do you want me to sing something, Girlfriend.

Bronxy, I don't care about "Girlfriend" wanting you to sing, "Boyfriend" wants you to sing!

PS. Those recipes sound fantabulous. I like curried goat and I love stuffed eggplant. We're gonna have a Caribbean influenced wedding now

Bronxy baby,

I knew I could depend on you, sister! Thank you so very much. Of course I want you to sing (contrary to Monty's typically s...stiring comment) WE couldnt sing this spiritual without you! As for the food thank you for thinking of all dietary considerations. I like the idea of food stations for the reception and of course we will have our aunts and uncles and cousins by the dozens helping out. As for the behavior of the chilluns, never fear they all have leashes. Coco, Q , Agnes B. and their daddy all have leashes.... I will have my mother holding Coco's, Monty's mom will hold Q's, Monty will hold Agnes' and I will be holding Monty's. See, we have it all worked out. They all know to be on their best behavior or they will get yanked!
As for the ceremony, being the super extrovert that he is I thought it only fair that Monty and his boys get to process in as well... Continuing on the leash theme... I thought it only right to have them process to George Clinton's "Atomic Dog". httpYouTube - George Clinton - Atomic Dog

Can't you just see it now? It will give Lex a chance to let out one of his world famous "Woofs"! It is a shame I wont get to see all of those fine men working the aisle... A long line of beautiful men dressed in black with Monty at the end of the line walking Agnes B. I hope it wont be too much to have the ladies coming in to "What's new, Pussycat? but I will have his leash in my left hand and my bouquet in the right and at that special point in the ceremony I will clip it onto his collar.... It just sends chills down my spine..... (Naughty dances around the kitchen singing "Atomic Dog" Why must I be like that? Why must I chase the cat? It's just the DOG IN ME.... Woof! ")

Down boy! Heel! I dont know about Carribean influenced but we will have some kickin food....

*practices strutting in the mirror*

..Nothing but the dog in me...


WOOOF~!!!!

I'm here Foxxy Love. Will you help me tie my bow tie? I was looking to wear it someplace non-traditional & original - can you help?

Why must I be like that, why must I chase the cat?

Wait ...

You best NOT be chasing no pussy 'round these parts.

There will be hell to pay!!

Let's just make the lyric say: "Why must it be so wrong, why must I chase some dong..." and all is well.

Bow wow wow yippie oh yippie ay.

***Humps Matthew's leg and ass***


AWWWWWW YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH~!!

Boys, boys...take it to the back room. You know all kinds of magic happens back there! Look at what happened at your wedding .

Exactly what did happen?

It is a good thinig that this church is very "flexable" in rules concerning the use of the main sanctuary, "Our Lady of the Evening Cathedral" Naughty you will be the first to use the new bride's room, "The Mary Magneline Been Fucked Before" dressing room. Brides have a choice now. "The Mary the Mother of Jesus" dressing room and.... I think you get the picture.

So I see Kimmie is not going to march down the aisel to the old farm song, "The Old Grey Mare She Ain't What She Used to Be" Just as well. The newer generation doesn't know recognized that old tune.

The Deacons have suggested that perhaps with the vows that so far have been written, we might want to do this ceremony in French as to not upset the people. We don't want stains on the new cushions in the Our Lady of the Evening Cathedral.

And thanks to Mont Mont. The new organ is being delivered today. This organ will play anything and everything. It can sound like an orchestra. Mont Mont is playing at his own wedding. That's right you heard right. The organ has a recording feature. So Mont Mont and Bronzy will be meeting to get that carribbean flavor to the sounds. There aren't but 1100 sounds to choose from and they can be played together. Sbould be quite a show.

The men will meet in St. Matthew the Homo named for our own Matthew to go over the procedures.

Mattthew I need help with the vows. We want these to be very very unique and different and memorable as well. Anything goes in Our Lady of the Evening Cathedral. Now in the St Lex Fundie Worship Center that we have rules are different. Different strokes for different folks.

I gave you my champaigne!

Oh, you know me, Vinny! I'm ever so helpful. I hear it's more comfortable to wear if there is a little lubrication. We can find out. Plus, you do want to be spit-shined and polished for such a special day, no?