Why Do I Fear Becoming Involve With A Bi-Man Again?

quite honestly, Atia, it all depends on where you stand in your own life. if you were to renew this relationship, would it be a lasting relationship? do you want a lasting relationship, or are you looking for a flash in the pan fling with a simply good-looking guy?

if i were you, i would use my past experience with this gentleman as a means of reconnoitring any future stability between us. again, that is, if you're looking for a stable, lasting relationship.

"Safe sex" is a misnomer, and as I'm sure you know, it was long argued (and still is) that "safer sex" would of course be a better name for it, since the best one can ever hope for is to make sex as safe as possible. You can never expect 100% safety or a world without condoms that fail/come off, etc.

In my head i think:

Well, if he likes both when he has just one he will probably miss the other...

If i was a bi i think i would have 1 steady relationship with each one of my preferences...but a steady one! its the way iam


How does bi relationships works ??? Dont have an ideia.

Another thing: does a gay man are really more open and ok with infidelities of their partners because they are man and man are supposed do be unfaithfull and they understand each others better for that???

True. Nothing is ever 100% safe.

The food I eat might be contaminated with salmonella or some other bug. Does that mean I shouldn't eat anything?

No. I wash the food (and/or cook it at high temperature) and buy it from a reasonable source that obeys the health and hygiene laws of the land. And that for all intents and purposes, is a "safe" way to eat. Practice "safe" sex, and you'll be "safe".

Using the phrase "safer" sex implies that all sex is inherently dangerous, dirty, and morally stigmatised. It's about as useful as talking about "safer" eating or "safer" breathing. Is breathing a bad thing to do? Is eating? You might as well say all living is dangerous.

I feel quite strongly about this. I can feel a new thread coming on...

"Faithful" = keeping your promises

I think that gay men who have negotiated monogamy in their relationship find infidelity just as unacceptable in a relationship as straight men or women would.

However, in my experience, I've found many more gay male couples negotiate committed relationships that don't necessarily involve complete monogamy. Many of them have other rules, though.

I think it's a battle of semantics in which neither side wins.

Those who go with "safe sex" will focus on issues of enjoying and promoting sex in a wholly positive light.

Those who go with "safer sex" will focus on reminding people that they should still exercise caution within the context of enjoying sex.

I don't think either term is especially useful, ultimately, as one promises of a world of woe, and the other a world of absolute safety.

Thanks Headbang.

Can u tell me the other rules -if u don't mind -

i'm sooo curious

Rules like:

• Only when one of us is out of town
• Only if you tell me
• Only if I don't know about it
• Only in a threesome with both partners
• Only certain sexual acts which the other partner doesn't want to do

I was surprised to learn how many gay couples have negotiated great relationships while allowing outside sexual activity. Kind of makes me proud of the tribe...

Yep, i understand the feeling...

My rules are: I dont want to know about it and hide it good & before u do it tell me first!!!

Thanks !

All your points are absolutely true, Alex. But...

I did volunteer work for a local AIDS education charity some years ago. They had studies (which I'll try to sniff out on the internet) which showed that talking about the behaviour in terms of "safe" sex actually increased compliance. If you you keep reminding people that all sex involves some level of risk, then they lose faith in safe sex measures. "If it's all unsafe, I might as well be really unsafe and enjoy myself more."

Alas, I think the lawyers got hold of the material and insisted that they talk about "safer" sex lest it be interpreted as an express warranty. (They gave out their own branded condoms, you see...)

For the record, I had an HIV positive lover for a year, and we practiced safe/safer sex. I remain negative, you'll be pleased to know. Though I hear my lawyers in the background with a caveat that this may not hold for everyone...

No, I totally agree, and certainly wasn't trying to start any kind of argument to the contrary. There's just a little part of me that still wishes that neither term had gained the currency that it has, since both 'safe' and 'safer' come across as emotionally-charged terms laden with expectations. A more neutral term like "sex with a condom" will win out for me every time. But, of course, in the bigger picture of the real world where these terms are in use, I concur with you 100%.

I am a firm believer in two (or more) consenting adults being able to set the boundaries of their realtionship are they see fit for what works best for them. Within that worldview--many things are possible.

I'd have to echo WTW's sentiments on this as well, since for the truth is I am hetero, and have no desire to alternate. I'd expect my SO other if she's really and truly commited to reciprocate and be satisfied with me & me alone.

These scenarios seem to hinge on falling in love with someone exactly like you. What if you don't?
Life is never so textbook.

I'm far too emotionally involved to allow my man (btw- the position is open ) to be with anyone but me. I'll share just about anything, but not him. If he can't be completely monogamous, then he's not the right match for me. If he can't feel 100% fulfilled having only me, then I'm not the right match for him. If a bisexual man can honestly tell me that he can live within those parameters, then there's no problem.