| Don't Ask!
Lawyers should never ask a Southern
grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer. In a trial,
a Southern small-town prosecuting
attorney called his first witness, a
grandmotherly, elderly woman to
the stand. He approached her and
asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know
me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know
you, Mr. Williams I've known you since
you were a young boy and frankly,
you've been a big disappointment to me.
You lie, you cheat on your wife, you
manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big
shot when you haven't the brains to realize
you never will amount to anything more
than a two-bit paperpusher. Yes, I know
you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing
what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know
the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've
known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster,
too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking
problem. He can't build a normal relationship
with anyone and his law practice is one of
the worst in the entire state. Not to mention
he cheated on his wife with three different
women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I
know him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge
immediately asked both counselors to approach
the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If
either ofyou bastards asks her if she knows me,
I'll throw your sorry asses in jail!" | 
