How Do You Kill A Crush?

For the first time I'm going to ask the wise, twisted souls of LPSG for their advice. I'm in a relationship with an awesome guy. We've been together 5 years. Yes, I'm happy. Yes, the sex is great. We know each other inside and out. He's my partner in adventure. We share everything. After a string of bad relationships, I was ready to just live out my days as a single slut and he popped up and the rest is history. So along comes a new business partner. He's cute. Magnetic. The phermones are flowing. We have a lot in common. He's sexy and mysterious. To blow off steam we make music together and it sounds great. Anyway, I'm not going to do anything about it. In my 5 years with my current partner, I've had one crush like this before. I just rode it out, fortunately I got another job and that was that. The situation is different this time. I run the show and this guy is now my business partner. I chose him after looking for 6 months. Businesswise he's great and my protege'. His enthusiasm is contageous and he's one of the best up-and-coming entrepenuers I've ever met. I'm lucky to have found him. The whole story behind that was rather serendipidous but shall I digress...the work situation isn't going to go away because I'm not going to be so stupid as to throw away a business partnership because of something that's never going to happen. I've tried the whole "picture him 15 years older and 40 pounds heavier" thing and it hasn't helped. People keep asking me if my partner is jealous. My partner has also voiced jealousy but this is nothing new. I've assured him that he has nothing to worry about. I've not fessed up about my crush but I feel that's pointless. I don't want to hurt my partner. If I felt it would do any good, I'd fess up but what's the point? I'm only human and I'm a man so of course if someone is in close quarters with me and as attractive as I've said...anyway, I'm going to avoid situations where my cock may end up in his ass. It's really more than that, it's beyond sexual and that's the worst kind of crush.

How do you get rid of a crush???

kill him and feed his corpse to a bear

How to kill a thread.

I had a bothersome crush several years ago with a co-worker at the research place I worked during the summer. We got along really well, very friendly, and enjoyed bullshitting in between phone calls. We hung out at my house one night and just chatted away for a few hours, very late. I think I was bothered by this because dating co-workers was highly discouraged at the firm, and if I were to pursue things, it would just get ugly -- plus, I had to return to college a couple of months later and long-distance relationships don't work well for me.

We used to pass notes back and forth all the time if we weren't sitting next to each other.

I gathered up as many of those notes as I could find in my guide book, placed them in a coffee can, and walked outside to my backyard. I covered them with leaves and twigs and then set the contents on fire and just stared at the smoke as it rose up out of the can. I visualized how the smoke was supposed to carry away my intrigue with this person and the crush itself would burn into ash.

It worked -- and maybe that's because I really wanted it to and I needed something visceral to show it. But that's just what my advice. You have to make your obsession with the guy into something physical that you can tear up/destroy/obliterate because, emotionally, the idea seems nearly impossible.

Sorcerer, I think you're thinking about and doing the right things. Feelings are independent things, popping up in all the wrong places and refusing to respond to logic. You can't control that, but you can control your actions which it sounds like you are doing commendably. As long as you keep it this way, it remains a harmless little secret; sometimes those can even be fun! After all, if you were to act on it, not only would it harm you primary relationship, but chances are it would eventually fuck up the business partnership too - those two things don't often mix well.

In similar situations from my past, the crush eventually went away by itself. Infatuations come and go.

Look at it this way - you've got a great relationship and business is good. Cupid's pesky provocation is just giving you a little something to balance your good fortune. :)

Matthew's advice is dead on. Crushes usually burn themselves out. You've got a good relationship and a good business partner. Don't f*ck it up and lose both.

I liked Dee's suggestion. The symbolism was powerful. Like, write his name and yer feelings on a piece of paper and do the coffee can fire thing. That might work. And hey, besides, lighting fires is fun!

Whenever I need to 'kill' off a preoccupation -- like a crush or a worry or a regret -- it helps me to write it down. Dee suggests burning the writing, and that may help as well, although I've never needed to go that far.

One of my even-geekier-than-me friends calls it an 'emotional backup'. (As in, you know it's safe to delete a file if you have a backup copy of it somewhere.) And once you've logged the crush in a journal or something, you can unburden yourself of it.

Excellent advice from "simon9". Think how miserable you'd be if you lost both. Many a straying husband has been served with divorce papers then found out that the new potential spouse wasn't all that was advertised. If you love that guy at home, make an extra effort to show it. After six months, reevaluate your situation. By then, you should have your answer. Be strong AND smart.;)

I've found that the best way to kill any kind of interest is to discuss philosophy & religion & politics. 9 times out of 10, the person has a world view diametrically opposed to mine. The crush dies easily and relatively painlessly.

Umm, I would strongly recommend burning the writing just as soon as you've written it down. Imagine your significant other (who you mentioned is jealous anyway) finding THAT tucked away in the back of a drawer about a year from now, long after your crush has (hopefully) burned itself out. Can you say "Movie Of The Week-type drama"?

It was tempting to reply "with a sledgehammer?", but I'm a nice person.

I have to admit, I was pretty taken after I read this. What gave you the idea to handle it this way? I can easily see myself doing this too. Though if I did it, it would be more like the way Jimmy Hendricks burns his guitar at the end of his set.......and after a few hits from a big glass bong.....to help intensify the moment.