Can't keep it up? :-/

Well, we just tried again to no avail :-/
See, I have NO PROBLEM at all getting hard, like when we make out, etc. The problem appears when the GOAL is to get hard/have sex.

I am considering drugs. I cannot go on like this, I don't want to put her through thinking she is not sexy or anything like that.


Anyone know a cheap viagra substitute or anything? :-/

Well the fact that you can get hard, seem to suggest something like Viagra or liquor isn't needed. The way I understand it, Viagra isn't a recreational drug. Unless a doctor prescribes it to you, I think its unhealthy to use it. I suppose liquor might relax you, but I wouldn't want to become dependent on it though. I'm obviously not there, but since you can get an erection, but can't substain it at or during intercourse, does seem to suggest anxiety. Anxiety doesn't just mean performance anxiety either. The fact that your girl does know your anxious, is a good thing that may make it easier for you to relax and just let it flow.

Who would you say is the more aggressive one....you or your gf? If your the more agrressive one or expected to be the aggressor, maybe you should sit back more and let her lead more, or vice versa. I do think people unknowingly put undue pressure on their partners to not only perform, but to perform perfectly. Do you guys actually talk about sex or just do it? I personally think communication is not only important in any relationship, but I also think its very important when it comes to having sex.

The only other thing I can say is to "take your time." Sex is neither a contest, and it damn sure doesn't have to be a race. Maybe get your girl to take the lead, relax and lay back with your eyes closed, and just let her drive you crazy with her hands, mouth, voice, her body, and her smell.

I am shy, I guess. I _HATE_ my flaccid penis. I mean, I'm pretty big (7.5" I guess) erect, but when it's flaccid, all my self estime is gone, and that kills me. I think I am the more passionate lover(as far as making out goes)

I dunno though :-/ is there some tea that increses blood flow? Maybe I should work out just before? Should I masturbate that morning, or the day before, or 3 days before?

I love to see her, and when I see her she damn near gets me hard, so it's not a matter of attraction. It's simply anxiety, but I have a very stubborn way with these sort of things, and I need something big to push me out of it.

I guess it comes down to me not being 100% comfortable with her seeing me naked.

Should I practice?

Any girls here want to shed some light on this? surely a flaccid penis goes hand in hand with the leaving the socks on thing, right?

What should I do?

I think normally, a flaccid penis would be okay to a woman but I know its different for a guy.

I don't like the look for my flaccid penis, or even my penis in any state other than rock hard, I like to be showing my full potential lol.

I spose you just have to work at it, maybe realise that a flaccid penis isn't such a bad thing, I'm sure your gf can get it hard for you ;)

And remember a flaccid penis grows into a hard penis, that's something to be proud of :D

Good luck. I'm going to keep trying too with my girl, although we haven't actually had sex yet...but still, I do need to get hard/er more often. I mean as soon as I see her and kiss her I'm half hard already. Even in her room making out I'm rock hard but then when she jumps on top of me or something I lose it...

I hear Ginseng (think thats it) helps with erections but not sure what price it is. Maybe expensive now, since a lot of people know about it.

If you smoke, then maybe try cutting down/stopping. Also, if you didn't masturbate for a few days (I can't stop even for one day lol) then you would get harder, faster. :)

Good luck.

I really don't think there is any "magical" cure for you here. I had a feeling there was more underneath the surface with you. I wasn't expecting so see many size issues on this site, well at least not the kind you seem to have. I'm new to this site, so I feel I should tread very carefully. Flaccid worries is more common than you think. Now on this site, a 7.5" penis "may" not be considered that big, but most women would surely consider it big...some might even consider you huge. I don't really know what to say about your flaccid worries, other than I don't think most women care or worry about it nearly as much as we guys tend to think. Now while there are indeed women who prefer a bigger size and even want a bigger looking flaccid size, I've seen no indication that most women do. Be interested to know if your flaccid worries started in the locker room, gym shower, or from comments made by others over the years? Those kind of experiences can tend to stay with you over the years and effect your sex life by causing self-esteem problems. Sex isn't that complicated, but we make it complicated by overthinking it and having unrealistic expectations with ourselves or others.

Hopefully just being able to talk about it with others on this site, will ease your mind more and more everyday. This site gets a bad-rap sometimes around the web, but I've seen and read nothing but great things since I found it.

I think that there may be more going on here than performance anxiety. Are you excited at the idea of having sex with this woman but your penis doesn't respond? Have you had any problems getting an erection before? I know that you are very concerned about this and obviously your fellow members want to help you. Stay in touch with any questions you might have. Okay?

Great point, I was getting this impression too..........

I think tawxic was saying that he did get erections at other times, including when he was with her. It's just when they're about to have intercourse that he can't stay hard. My guess it is performance anxiety/nerves, the #1 cause of erectile dysfunction. Of course none of us here are experts . But I'd say stay away from the meds without a doctor's recommendation, as others have said. The advice about creating an environment with her where you feel at ease is also good. I know it's tempting to go for the quick fix/magic bullet, but that's not always the wisest solution, even if it actually works in the short term.

Thanks everyone.

Okay, for one, she think that 7.5" is huge, so that's a good thing, and when I'm flaccid I'm not TOO small, generally.

I guess I'll just have to tell her my worries and she will have the accept them, so I can be more comfortable being naked with her.

I think if we just laid down while we were naked for a few hours it would help a lot.


Edit:

And can you guys clarify what you mean by, "something other than performance anxiety?"
Do you mean some other form of anxiety, or are you saying I'm gay, or don't find her attractive? heh none, of the latter 2 are true.

Well I can't speak for any of the others, but I most certainly wasn't suggestions that you were gay, and you already said you were sexually attracted to her and that she always turns you on. This is an anonymous board, so you would have no reason to lie.

Anxiety can take all kinds of different forms I think. Body image seems like it can cause anxiety just like worrying about performance, penis size, or anything else. A lot of people aren't that happy with their body and/or worry what others may think about how they look. They don't like what they see in the mirror and worry if others or their partner likes what they see also. I suspect most people have body image worries in one form or the another. Even extremely beautiful women with incredible bodies don't always like what they see when they look in the mirror and worry what others think.

I think its very important that you find a way to talk to your gf about "all" of your worries. Not saying its gonna be easy, and I don't know how she'll react when you tell her. You'll probably feel a lot better once you do though. Again our minds play a Very big part in sexual response. Once you ease your mind of all your worries, I'm sure you're body will respond the way you want it to.

There is a natural component in green tea called l-theanine which reduces anxiety without any side effects. This is why green tea is calming despite the fact that it contains caffeine. You can buy an isolated supplement of l-theanine for a greater effect (pure l-theanine without the caffeine). I would recommend capsules since they absorb better (vs tablets). This would be useful for your few times to calm performance anxiety. Then you should be comfortable enough to go without it. I bought mine from http://www.vitaglo.com/sn1646.html , but it's available at many places. Of course all the mental techniques mentioned are vital for long term comfort, this supplement would only aid that.

Paul Vincent is very right in what he says here - when I first started having sex, I found it difficult to get hard at first, performance anxiety yes, but also anxiety about the girl not being put off by my erection (around 23cm hard).

Another tip that was given to me by a mate who is a male stripper is to drink about a litre of water when it looks as though sex is on the cards. Apparently it raises your blood pressure (extra fluid) and all the pressure can nicely help out when it goes south - no scientific proof, only on the street evidence here, but it certainly works for me.

If you want a stiffy like an iron bar, drink a litre of water and then relax and enjoy yourself. :p

Hmm that's an interesting tip. I hardly drink any water, so maybe my erections would improve...since they're not usually rock hard.

I'm going to go with perfromance anxiet as well.

I have no problem getting hard and staying hard. I usually jack on cam for a good hour or so and never go soft.

However, when it comes to sex, it a whole different story. The probelms lie on 2 fronts.
1. The quick decline from hard to soft and then putting on the condom
2. Staying hard during the whole insertion process (if you are big this could take a while dependig on the person)

So you stated that you have no problem gettting staying hard during making out...ect.... If you don't want to come accross as presumptionus do this... when the time comes, go ahead an open the condom and get it ready to slip on. Go back to making out or whatever. When you get back up to full steam roll the condom on and go to town.

If it is matter of keeping it hard while trying to get it in, I dunno (I'm still working on that part).

If your mind wanders and that causes you to go soft... read an erotic story (part II of Growing Up Huge is my fav), the commit it to memorry, and play it back in your mind when you are trying to get turned back on after going soft.

Hope this helps, keep us posted on the progress.

I'd say definitely make sure she knows that you think it's just nerves - not that you don't want it, or don't find her attractive or anything. I think most reasonable people would understand. Communication is *really* important. And then, eh, just keep trying. Eventually you'll subconsciously become comfortable being naked and in a sexual situation with her, and this problem will probably just kinda go away. I think your idea of just getting to spend time naked with her is good. Just get into bed together, hold each other maybe, and just relax and enjoy being together, and forget about what your penis is doing just then. I think then you'll end up more comfortable with her, since sex is new for you, and things will just progress from there eventually.

--Matt