tomarctus: My experience is different but it distresses me too. I noticed a strong decline in arousal last year around my 47th birthday. I, too, had been experiencing stress with my work for about 2 years prior. I have also been hiv-positive since about 1980 and on medications since 1990. I always get my testosterone and thyroid levels checked and take hormone replacement therapy.
In addition to the low arousal I noticed weak erections. Eventually I went through the battery of tests and it did turn out I had no nocturnal erections. My docs boosted my testosterone and that helped. My urologist suggested Viagra but it does nothing for me. I'm not sure Caverject, Muse or Tri-mix would be any better. Beside, a hard on without arousal is'ne fun at all.
Then my life entered high stress mode. My partner decided he wanted to be single again the weekend after our 10th anniversary. We had an open relationship so no affair was involved. I didn't even see this coming so I was in a state of shock. We lived together, and slept in the same bed, for the next 5 months while working out the separation, finally moving to our own respective places in January this year.
I naturally suffered from strong depression and worked on it aggressively in therapy. The antidepressants, however, can reduce sex drive, alas.
As soon as I moved I got seroiusly ill for 4 months and couldn't work. Finally colon cancer was ruled out but it was frightening. Sadly, because of this illness, I went through all the money from the sale of our house.
I eventually recovered enough to finish my last project at work. In October I finished it. The next step was closing my shop after 24 years and suspending my 29 year career. Since then, at the advice of my doctors, I have applied for disability. They hope a period of disability will help me recover from all these major life changes.
My health is fair but, as with many long-term aids survivors, compromised at times. Right now I have peripheral neurpathy in my legs and arms. I first noticed the symptoms in April but it could have been in the works long before. This condition affects the nerves and can contribute to erectile dysfunction.
Right now I do have successful erections and ejaculation but not as often as I wish. I can't get hard at will any more :( . Gosh, how I wish I could do that! I still have a low sex drive. I've tried to have sex with another guy 3 times in the last year and couldn't stay hard or cum.
I accept, finally, that my life has had major stressors that contribute to this: hiv, closing a business, ending a career, ending a long realtionship, moving. Yet I am so stubborn I still sometimes think I can will or wish it away. Most of the time I am able to accept it for what it is.
My hope is that after a time of rest and recovery my sexual health will improve. I know of men in their 80's who are active and I hate the thought of losing it at 48. I still have enjoyable sexual thoughts, it's my body that refuses to join in. Beside's, I'm still good looking and a nice guy.
By the way, I always play safe.