Donk: How about
"Would that my ear were a cunt, then I'd fuck it."

Seriously, I bet many readers are just grateful to jc to learn the rest of that verse. Most people seem only to know the first line.

I first heard the whole thing from the class clown when I was in 6th grade. I got a chuckle at the time. But little did I know then that I would wind up with a dick in that size range myself.

However, it should be noted that Homer Simpson reports that the stories about Mr. Nantucket are "greatly exaggerated."