Movie cliches

You know how it goes....you're watching a movie and based upon the typical crap that happens in most movies, you can predict what happens next, such as:

-the virgin(s) will be the only one to live in a horror movie
-the killer is never the one that they hinted in the beginning
-right when the mystery is solved, all hell breaks loose ala Arachnophobia
-they never turn on the lights
-the flashlight always goes out
-the girl picks the geek over the jock

the girl:

• always opens that damned door
• always trips and falls when running away
• always strips for a shower at the worst time

the guy:

• always drives clear across town to save the girl instead of calling ahead to the cops
• always drives a classic sports car
• never ever takes a dump

- the guy in front of you has a stupid hat and/or giant afro
- there are a couple of loudmouthed parents with 89 kids in the 2 seats directly behind you
- a morbidly obese guy who smells like a tyre fire arrives 30 minutes into the movie and decides he's gotta have the seat the other side of you
- he also gets up to visit the bathroom at least 16 times
- and some fucker left their cell phone on

There's always the same black man/white woman or white man/Chinese woman combinations.
Women cops are always ribbed for being female and always save the day in the end.
If there's a sex scene, they never get pregnant or get an STI in the sequel.
Gay men are always single, or edited out entirely.
Men never get naked. OTOH, you can't keep clothes on the woman.
The hero always gets the girl.
The American is always the good guy.
The good guy never follows the rules, even when following the rules makes sense.
Weapons only run out of ammo when it's convenient for the plot.
The bad guys always miss, or hit the supporting character, or hit a place which causes no irreparable damage.

--It's impossible to be quiet when you need to, and loud enough when warning someone from across a distance.
--If the bad guy didn't somehow survive the first movie, in the sequel you bet his mother wants revenge!
--Henchmen can't hit the Great Wall of China with a single bullet from an uzi three feet away.
--It's perfectly okay to leave someone for a more exciting and adventurous person, no matter how little time you've known them.
--The only cities in the United States are New York and L.A.
--The only city in Great Brittain is London.
--White people don't live in ghettos.
--All black people are raised by their grandmother.
--All asians are second generation.
--If a girl hates your guts when you first met her all you need to do is sexually harrass her and, after awhile, she'll defy her rich parents for your sake.

The one that cracks me up the most is one one character implores another to look at something, then they cut to the scene before the event happens.

Follow the story of Tupac Rastanegro, as his involvement with the Black Panthers finds him guest starring on Jerry Springer in debate with the beautiful KKK Grand Dragon Anita Whiteman. A certain connection is felt between the two, and after the show they decide to continue their debate and discussion. The two fall in love and get married. Years later Tupac becomes a country singer while Anita becomes a social worker who deals with problems in the inner city. They live happily ever after.


(just kidding folks)

The thing that really bothers me is when there are 2-5 villains with automatic weapons, who can't hit the hero in an open field. And when the hero is running away, you always see the impact of bullets HITTING THE GROUND. So not only are these motherfuckers missing, they're apparently aiming for ankles. All kinds of grass and snow flying everywhere. LOL

When you drive up on the scene of the emergency/crime, be sure to park so that you have to get out and run the last 100 yards. Whatever you do, don't drive right up to your destination. :glare:

Or when a girl is taking a shower and has her arms over her tits the entire time. Who the fuck takes showers like that.

What about after a sex scene, when they are in the bed talking, the man's whole torso is exposed, but the sheet conviently just covers the woman's chest? At least be consistent.

If I were running away from the villain in a multi-story building, I would run downstairs so I could reach street level and exit the building. These ninnies in the horror movies always run up the stairs. When they run out of stairs and end up on the roof, where do they go from there when they realise that the bad guy is still in pursuit? Am I the only one who notices this?

Yes, and then they jump across the street to the other high rise building. Amazing feat to say the least.

Oh yeah, who can forget this scenario:


Good guy's love interest: "oh dear God! We've been almost mauled by these terrorists, I've lost my sister, my best friend, my car has been totaled, and that evil bad man has blown up my work office, my house, etc. But you were able to save me and take me to this pseudo-safe location where these bad, evil, demented men are going to jump on us in any second!"


...


Good guy: "Wanna fuck?"

Good guy's love interest: "right on."


*cues love scene*

BTW that Austin Powers scene about how the villain could easily kill the hero, but instead will put him in an overcomplicated and easily escapable situation to kill him was on point.