Asking out Girls

carolinacurious: I remember being your age and not being able to go to the bars, and being pretty pissed, of course they had just raised the drinking age (on the very day I graduated from high school) and in my state there was a "grandfather clause", essentially had I been a month and a half older I would have been able to drink, as could all my friends who were only 45 days older than me, this was for three years, by the way, not for 45 days. It fucking SUCKED! But, in retrospect I think I made out better at small parties in the dorms with others who were in the same situation as I, or stayed in for whatever reason, than I ever did in bars.

Anyway, soon you'll be old enough to go out and find out for yourself that they're not all they're cracked up to be but in the meantime you really didn't give much to go on as far as what you think your problem may be.

Relax, be yourself, be open and aware to what's happening around you (learn that one and you'll wear your dick off if you want), actually geniunely try to meet women as people not as a conquest or a piece of ass. If all you're thinking about is getting to know someone and talking to them for a few minutes rather than how you're going to get them into the sack, you relax and it all gets easier.

dude..

If I were in your position, I think I might ask my sisters if they thought/knew if Miss GodI-WantHer would be interested in going somewhere with me. AND I would ask them what "cute" or "adorable" means. I have friends who use cute to describe a guys with pecs, to one with a great smile, or a thin waify-type. Why can't a guy be good looking, or have a great body or be funny? I am with you girls need to be more precise.

All right, you have determined that Miss GodI-WantHer might like to go out with you. Next figure out what to do....maybe just a latte [maybe an ice cream if you are likely to be shaky-nervous] or maybe going to a movie....do your research, dude, and find what she likes and you like. Commonality of interest leads to good conversation.

The day of the big date...think about possible conversation topics: Getting to class in the mini-blizzard last Thursday or whatever....some funny happenings, some observations, some opinions....Be prepared to talk.

Yeah, most of us have showed up for a date with a dry mouth and wondering what the f*** I am doing here......and in my case, a couple of times with my fly unzipped. Not highly recommended.

I am not sure that the first date gets any easier with repetition...maybe guyz just learn to endure the pain better. Good luck!

jay

Well I guess I had the same problem although it never bothered me and I never felt like I HAD to ask a girl out or anything. A few months ago now I met my gf online, she asked me to meet her for ages then I finally went and that's how I got my girl :D

Of course a girl who lives nearer to me would be better but I have serious issues with the place I live in. It depresses me a lot, and its just a lot nicer and happier to be either with my gf or ideally with my gf and away from here. Now I found out a lot of my girlfriend's mates fancy me and even people I've never spoken to and have only seen me once in passing like me. Anyways, they still live far away (for now) but its a nice confidence boost. Hopefully I'll find a way to move nearer ma fille.

As for your trouble, all you have to do is ask the worse they can say is no...but hey I've never asked a girl out myself so I really have no pointers, and it is hard to ask someone out.

I don't think this is a technigue but it's worked very well for me. Just be yourself. I know it sounds obvious & dopey but it's true. I'm a easy-going guy, so I talk to everyone,girls,guys,whoever. When I was in high school & college I met girls by being friends with them first. I thought that if I liked the girl & she liked me, then the dating thing would be the next natural step. Also I smile at girls all the time. I can't help myself. I'm a happy guy. And that always worked too. About being cute,you should ask your male friends if they're heard if girls think you're cute. That's another way of finding out what girls like you. Good luck.

Yeah, it's a variant of Pascal's wager. Only, unlike Pascal's wager, this one actually makes sense*: You're risking nothing for something if you do ask her out, whereas if you don't ask her out you're risking something for nothing.

*The problem with Pascal's wager is that you can say it about anything. A perverse deity might even only allow atheists in heaven.

For some reason, I've never gotten nervous talking to girls, and talking to a hot chick the same way I'd talk to a non-hot chick or the same way I'd talk to a dude is actually my default state (though I think this might be just as much a turn-off as totally freaking out.) That said, I "talk to girls" a very small fraction of what other guys do (mostly just lack of opportunity.)

I read something on the internet that's helpful: have you ever been approached by a girl and said "no"? If so, did you point and laugh at her and tell all her friends you blew her off? No, you didn't, because it's not a big deal. So what makes you think that's what's going to happen if she says no to you? The stakes aren't that high, so be cool.

Don't worry too much about passing out. At certain times we react to stressors in extreme ways... I had a friend who passed out when his teacher started talking about him to the rest of the class.

I saw a Blind Date where a guy was with a girl who constantly told him the things he did were "sweet", as the date progressed and she got less and less interested, her "sweet"s became more and more emphatic and high-pitch. It's no different for a girl than a guy: a guy can say "What I am telling you is TRUE!", and he emphasizes it that way because he's lying through his teeth. We'd have to know the way it's inflected and the context to tell you, and even then it's not for sure. If she calls you cute and sweet to other people, then that's probably a good thing. If she tells you you're adorable because you just bought her flowers, that's probably a bad thing. There was a girl who was constantly calling me "precious" to other people as she was hitting on me over the course of a few weeks, and "precious" is even worse than "cute" or "sweet."

Another question: Does anybody constantly get called "sweetie" or "honey" by female cashiers and other service-industry employees? It is kind of emasculating, isn't it? :eyes:

Well,

Even though I am not a cashier I guess I need to strike "sweetie"and "honey" from my vocabulary.. Dont want to in any way emasculate anyone...

Naughty

Naughty, you can call me "sweetie or honey" anytime you want!!

I rather like it. It seems to me to be generational and regional....like I have entered a time warp and have ended up in say the 1940's and in the south or midwest. At least "Honey" means that she recognized me as a person and not as a 16-digit Visa card.

jay

I'm from the south/back in the south, and the "sweetie/honey" thing is a daily occurance here.
I like it :)

It does all boil down to confidence. Like most of us, I've known of a marginally attractive guy who always had a date/got laid.
When i questioned this a friend of mine said, "You know why that guy gets laid all the time? Because he knows he CAN".

I've never forgotten that.
He had confidence. (not that confidence always does it either, but it certainly helps)

Ummm ... how does one even start a social life?

I'm dead serious here ...

About the original topic ... unless someone else actively starts conversation with me or approaches me of their own volition, I CANNOT, under any circumstances, bring myself to talk or approach them. Unless I know, beyond any doubt, that that person has a real, actual interest in me, I can't talk to them or introduce myself.

I see it this way (and this is probably a monstrously bad analogy): get me to say, second base (or whatever it is nowadays) and I'm fine. I can do the romantic, loving, sensual parts, but I'm beyond horrible at introductions and courtship, mostly because I'm such an emotionally fragile dork.

Ecchi,

Honey ( I did it again! LOL! ) There is nothing wrong with you but the need for a little self confidence. We all feel ugly, inadequate, etc ( do I need to remind you! LOL! ) You are fearfully and wonderfully made! You are also a very sensitive and talented young man with a lot going for you!

Naughty


P.S. Alright, Pappy honey ! LOL!

musclebound: When I was going through puberty I truly hated my Dad. Which was a big change from earlier years. He was a big burly guy that couldn't keep his hands off of you. He hugged, wrestled, kissed, and fought with his five boys everyday. He would make you do all kinds of shit you didn't want to do. ESPECIALLY if you didn't want to do it. He taught me to swim by pushing me out of a boat in the middle of a lake. He would dare you do anything and call you a pussy until you did it just to shut him up. Years later it finally clicked that my Dad had taught me to have confidence in myself and take risks. AND he did it with little things while I was still young enough that he could put his arm around me and tell me how brave he thought I was.

Asking a girl out is a terrifying thing to do. It is only reasonable for it to make you nervous. Accept that and at least you won't be embarassed to feel the way you do.

To build your self-cofidence, start with some easier things. Make a list of things you would like to try some day. And start with the easiest one. As you try them your confidence will grow. Even if you fail, you'll become accustomed to trying new things and learning from failure. It's just part of growing up. Most guys continue this process all their lives because risk-taking can be a hell of a lot of fun. I suspect you'd have more buddies if you gave it a try...

Some things that are a little bit risky:

Call in a request to a local radio station
Take a karate class, or try to learn something that you find a little intimadating
Buy a shirt that looks funky or has a smart saying on it that will catch peoples attention

you get the idea...