Public displays of affection

lapdog2001 · 03-18-2005

I agree with all the above concerning cultural differences and the display of affection, even among family members. At some point in my life growing up, I no longer kissed my father when saying goodbye. It just seemed normal not to.

As an adult that continued until at a family gathering, I noticed my cousins greeting both parents with a kiss, doing the same when it was time to go. Me and my siblings were all adults at that point, and I don't remember who started it first, but my brothers and I started give my dad (and mom of course) a kiss when we were saying good-bye. My dad was not surprised by the gesture and has never said anything about it. It has now been at least 10 years and the custom continues. It is just a small gesture of love, but I think it is important to express it.

I am very glad that all my nieces and nephews are being raised to show affection for their relatives and there are no good-byes without hugs and kisses all around.

Even us 'staid' New Englanders can change if we want to! :D

LapDog :P

madame_zora · 03-18-2005

Lapdog, I think that's wonderful that you re-instituted a tradition of affection. I kissed my mother every time I saw her, and I'm so glad I did because she died young. We never know how long we have to spend with our loved ones, so it's important to let them know how we feel every chance we get.

zzorus · 03-19-2005

Quote:

Originally posted by madame_zora@Mar 19 2005, 02:39 PM
I kissed my mother every time I saw her, and I'm so glad I did because she died young. We never know how long we have to spend with our loved ones, so it's important to let them know how we feel every chance we get.

Quoted post

MZ, that's a great thought. I really appreciate it as I'm not a naturally affectionate person with my family( too much baggage over the years; made me wary I suppose).

I introduced " my friend" to my family last weekend, and he was much more demonstrative and affectionate with them than I am. He had an arm around a sister in two seconds; hugging my mother in five seconds. They loved him for it!

lapdog2001 · 03-19-2005

Quote:

Originally posted by madame_zora@Mar 18 2005, 10:39 PM
Lapdog, I think that's wonderful that you re-instituted a tradition of affection. I kissed my mother every time I saw her, and I'm so glad I did because she died young. We never know how long we have to spend with our loved ones, so it's important to let them know how we feel every chance we get.

Quoted post

I'm very glad that it got going somehow. I do think about the possibilty of loosing a family member once in a while as none of us is getting younger (except maybe you!).

As the the children, how can you feel bad when they run up to you to give you a hug as soon as they see you? I have no children of my own yet, but that must be one of the great benefits of being a parent!

:pals:

LapDog :P

Guest · 03-19-2005

Goon: It's all about being appropriate. When my bf and I were traveling through the square states, we kept it on the down low. In NYC we let it all hang out.

jonb · 03-19-2005

Well, Goon, it's a little more than just "the square states". Different parts of states, regardless of their shape or red/blue affinity, have different attitudes. I lived in Dewey County, and it's pretty pro-gay. Not as much as Shannon, of course, but any time more than 1% of households are headed by same-sex couples, that's pretty pro-gay, for rural America.

HungSpermBoy · 03-20-2005

Quote:

Originally posted by hung_big@Mar 18 2005, 09:14 PM
bblumbee, I am really sorry to hear what happened to you are your cousin. I concur (obviously) with Jana. Something like that is completely appalling! People like that need to get a good smack upside the head to set them straight.

It seems that world is going to the dogs. Anything that was considered good or an act of kindness has just been twisted and contorted beyond recognition.

A personal story, that definetly isn't nearly as bad, but still shows how people cannot seem to take an openly kind gesture. I was in Europe this summer with 20 of my friends. We had gone in town (in Slovenia) and I saw a Local vendor. I saw that she had necklaces that she had made and my friend had a blue varient of the ones she was selling. I saw a green one, and figured, HEY, that's her favourite colour, so why not get it for her?

So I had only 1000 tolars (Slovenian currency) left, and she had it priced for 1500. I haggled it and got it for 1000. I then gave it to her and she reluctantly accepted. The next day I was baggered with questions and someone told/asked me: "Why did you get it for her? You know she likes Rob, she thinks you were being a creep!" THIS IS MY FRIEND THAT I GOT IT FOR.

2 days after that, I was going into her room to get something that I had left their the previous night and saw the necklace I bought her destroyed and in the garbage. It crushed my heart. I was also angry. It is something trivial, just a cheesey necklace, but it was the emotion and thought that I had put into it that got me. I tried to do something nice for someone I considered a friend and she then just tossed it out. No actually, she didn't just throw it out, she purposely destroyed it BEFORE she threw it out.

I don't let life get me bitter, but it just gets me upset that someone could act so cruel.

Though this isn't a lovers puplic display of affection, it certainly is an openly friendly gesture, and people always take it the wrong way.

Sorry for getting off tangent and being long-winded.

BTW...CELEBRATING ME 200TH POST - PARTAY! ;)

Quoted post

Wow,I understand this so well. I think it's about immaturity. I've done things for girls who I love as friends, and for some reason it gets all twisted around. Even my girlfriend tells me she's uncomfortable with me when I do thing for other girls, or treat them nice.
hung_big, maybe you should have talked with the girl you bought the necklace for to tell her what you were feeling about her being your friend. That way you wouldn't have been hurt by what happend or she would have understood your motives. Sorry it was hurtful to you.

Jeremy · 03-20-2005

Im all for pda's myself to a certain degree! I may be very open, but if I cant hold in my feelings for any longer, I let it be known with some kissing, hugging, hand holding, etc etc, and I love seeing other people do it, nothing wrong with it, rather that than seeing people fighting! :)

As for family members, I still give mom big hugs all the time! And lots of kisses on the cheeks, I love her! :) Sadly, since her sisters aren't local, I haven't gotten to know my aunts that well, so who knows how that will go. They had planned on visiting during christmas, but that fell apart. Someday though!

Guest · 03-21-2005

Goon:

Quote:

Originally posted by jonb@Mar 19 2005, 03:20 PM
Well, Goon, it's a little more than just "the square states". Different parts of states, regardless of their shape or red/blue affinity, have different attitudes. I lived in Dewey County, and it's pretty pro-gay. Not as much as Shannon, of course, but any time more than 1% of households are headed by same-sex couples, that's pretty pro-gay, for rural America.

Quoted post

This is true. There are parts of California that are fairly redneck-y. Cross the bridge from Manhattan to Brooklyn and it's a whole different attitude. Generally I've found cities are better, however Hawaii is laid back. That's a perk of living here.

jonb · 03-21-2005

Yeah, well, traditional Lakota don't have any problem with homosexuality. Or, to be more politically correct, we regulate, rather than forbid, homosexuality. Same incest taboos, combined with the additional aspect that two winkte (drag queens) can't sleep together, but for obvious reasons no postpartum or menstrual taboos. So that's one reason.

On a side note, Shannon County is the gayest county in the Midwest. Even gayer than major metro areas.