Worst Sex You Have Ever Had

Tender: ...

Great topic! i have 2 equally bad "worst sex" experiences:
The names have been changed to protect the guilty:

THE NARRATOR-
This attractive guy was quiet and
reserved all evening, but in bed, he began to narrate the proceedings
like he was Howard Cosell..."YOU ARE LICKING ME..YES SIR.....YOU'RE
MOVING DOWN..OHYESSSSYESS......OH YOU
ARE PUTTING IT IN...YOU ARE IN...YOU ARE INSIDE MEEEEEEEEEEE,
followed by the final indignity: "FUCK MY MAN-PUSSY!"
I've never forgotten that line. :unsure:

and

PUKE BOY-
Sweet and sexy guy,
hot and handsome....
He had too much to drink...
but we go back to his apt and
he wants me to fuck him,
and i'm going at it,
and he says,
"wait a minute, i dont feel so-
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPP!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yes, that's right.
Not pretty.

"So how'd the date go?"
"Great...I fucked him...he puked...
gosh, i'm a STUD, eh?"


bad experiences indeed.
Next.

But did you get your nut?

kracken: My worst sexual experience was with a guy that is very cute. He loved to be rimmed. So I get there at 3 pm and we get down to it. At 3:05 pm his pants are off and I'm rimming him. At 3:07 he orgasms, pulls up his pants and tells me to get out. I never even got my shirt off! lol

He's still number one in the worst sex ever.


Kracken

BAD SEX????

Gee. I don't know. I've been in this game for a looooooooong time and all I can say is - ALL of it has been good but some was better.

Gramps

Oh my god, Tender, my worst was my honeymoon too! My second husband and I had decided to wait until we were married to have sex, and I found out why he was so agreeable then! It was over in less than 60 seconds (I shit you not!) and he jumped up out of bed claiming to have a shrieking headache. He also had the smallest dick I had ever seen (about 4"). It did not improve over time despite therapy and the works, so we lived together in celibacy for five years until I could take it no more. Might do a lot to explain my current fascination with big cocks!

The "dirty talker" was bad. I could've gone all night without him screaming shit like, "I can feel your thick, meaty ramrod invading my hungry hole; whitewash my bowels with your steamy jism!" That just doesn't do it for me. But he wasn't the worst.

The worst, without question, was the blowjob from a seventeen year-old virgin with braces. What was I thinking? :o

My worst was my first attempt to penetrate a female - a 35 year old with a child, we were in the back of my car. She was too small and I just could not get it in, and my frenulum was torn off and there was blood everywhere.
F

joe22xxx: It was the second time I ever had sex with a girl. She kept telling me how much she liked me, kissing me, and rubbing me all over. Then off came our clothes, and she saw my dick, and made that classic remark, "You're not putting THAT in me!" So instead of having sex, we made out for hours,which was really nice, but I didn't cum, and went home with blue balls. Frustrating and strange experience.

My worst sex was in Toronto 2 months back, this incredibly tall black guy who assured me he was 10" x 7" before we hooked up, well needless to say his pants came down and there was this 4" weenie which was not getting any bigger. I let him stick it up me and he came in about 30 seconds then went to sleep.
He still mails me and I am seriously thinking about put his address into my spam filter.
Why lie about something that one will obviously get caught out about? The disappointment was underwhelming.

:D

The worsed sex I ever had was about 10 years ago . I picked up this silly woman in a pub one night and she was all keen for a good long ride until we got to my place .We started with some oral until she tried to mount me . This is where things went horribly wrong . She was tiny and I not!!
She was pushing down with her all and well I , thought she was going to snap my shaft.
The moral of this story is it pays to advertise size.

Ouch. I was gonna describe mine, in which the guy wanted me to fuck his "boy-gina". But yours takes the cake.

drhook: Recently a girl had been quite literally begging and begging me to sleep with her. So, one night after a few cocktails, I gave in.

I must say that the sounds coming from this girl were the biggest turnoff ever. She made these (presumed) noises of pleasure which closely resembled acts of murder to her family.

"AAAAAAAGHHH"
"OOOOOOOOOHHAA"
"AAAH AAAH AAAH AAAH"
"GGGGRRRGGGGLEEEE"

I mean, really, if I hadn't known better, you'd think I was stabbing her with a knife and she was screaming bloody murder! (and, for the record, I'm not *huge* -- 7.5x5.75 on a good day)


This turned me off so much that I decided I had to finish up as quickly as possible.

I had a girlfriend in college who used to brag about her sexual talents -- that she could deep-throat bananas and all that stuff. When we finally got to doing the deed, she pulled mine out and practically freaked on the spot. "No way!" she exclaimed. She ended up giving me a rough and uncomfortable handjob and probably the most toothy head I have ever, ever received.

Oh, but it gets better...

So, the one time I decide to get down and dirty with a guy -- fucking him -- he practically begged for it in his ass (ego stroke), and after struggling to get the condom on and everything, he was screaming and whining after getting just the head in. An inch farther, he was wincing in pain and insisted that I pull out. In all my life, I had never put on my clothes and got out of a bedroom so fast.

(Just thought I'd include that incident so that, you know, I could be an equal opportunity recipient of some bad play.)