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Originally Posted by Jovial  I think the dynamics of dating are such that women can get men that are higher quality if they don't want commitment. But if they want commitment, then they have to lower their expectations in general. Some women refuse to lower their standards to get the commitment. Others lower their standards to get the commitment, but then are left wondering "what if they hadn't settled?"
Another thing is that a lot of people overestimate how good they are and who they can attract. It seems like people don't like to think about it. So maybe by settling they are actually just coming to the realization that they aren't as good as they thought. (Whatever the market will bear.) Part of the problem is it's not polite to tell other people what's wrong with them, so they never get any feedback, hence they don't have a good estimate of their true worth. |
When I first read something mentioning market value and the accurate assessment of one's own market value I was livid. But I can now see that it truly is the way things tend to work. Many people want to win the relationship lottery. THe only problem is that the other person has to in some way value the strengths that you bring to the table. So, you may be a wonderful person, with many fine attributes but if the object of your desire does not value that particular set of traits then your market value for that person may be less than you hoped or even expected.
One problem is demographics. No matter how fabulous you may be if there are not the numbers there for you to chose from, your fabulousness may be moot. Also another issue is inherited expectation. Often in giving their children things and exposure to things they themselves were not afforded, parents can inadvertantly set up expectations in their child that the market can not bear. Or at least the child's personal market value can not bear. Issues like looks, health, race, weight,height, education, profession, social status, influence, net worth, weigh in right along with those good character traits you THINK you are exhibiting. Is it fair? Let me ask you this, are you looking at those things as well? Then dont be surprised if others are looking right back at what you bring to the table as well.