Quote:
Originally Posted by DC_DEEP  Interesting reading. Jason, one comment by the author that really caught my eye was
"They, like me, would rather feel alone in a marriage than actually be alone, because they, like me, realise that ultimately, marriage isn’t about cosmic connection – it’s about how having a teammate, even if he’s not the love of your life, is better than not having one at all."
That is so diametrically opposed to my philosophy, I cannot believe she published it.
I got lucky - during a point in my life when I had reconciled myself to the fact that I would be single the rest of my life, I found that one-in-a-quadrillion person. There were some qualities on which I was NOT willing to compromise, and for the first 39 years of my life, I had met not a single person who met those criteria. The physical aspects, so important to so many, were unimportant to me. Honesty, intelligence, and integrity were among the top three that I absolutely refused to "settle" for.
Personally, I would much rather be alone, than to be in a relationship that was neither fulfilling nor love-rich. |
I think the view she's expressing is more traditional and she even says so. Reading it I pictured Tevye and Golde lying in bed asking each other if they love each other now. She does, however, point out, if not entirely explicitly, that children has a lot to do with it. She needs help running her home, having someone to look after kids, someone she doesn't have to sneak upstairs and out the door before the kids wake, someone who will be a good father. If you don't plan or want to have children then perhaps what she's writing isn't so relevant?
I do completely sympathize with her situation and wonder if I shouldn't do the same thing. I don't think I can go through another Hell of falling in love with someone who doesn't love me and I'm not getting any younger. I'd like to sire a kid or two ideally with a surrogate or a lesbian, and I know I couldn't do it alone. Maybe that's way I felt such resonance with the article.
You were very lucky, but not everyone can win the lottery and, while I'm happy for you both, it's unwise to think that we can all win it.