years ago when the wife and I were first married, one of her favorite sayings was "if he(she) doesn't get it at home, they'll get it elsewhere". now this wasn't directed towards me but usually one of her gfriends, but i did use this about 2 yrs ago on her when we were not having sex. my wife is post menoposal, and her sex drive is non-existent. so every once in awhile i remind her and it works. short term, but it works.