OP=original poster

I really don't care about adultery or intent or excuses or whatever. I don't get anything out of passing judgment on you, so I won't. But you have to expect when posting on a public internet forum that people are going to take issue with you no matter what you say . . and don't let it get to you. I'm sure you have your reasons, and whatever they are you think they're good enough to justify your actions. Maybe they are, maybe they're not, but no one here is in a position to get a fair, impartial understanding of your story. Those that don't want to answer obviously have a right not to, but you'll find plenty of help anyway.

Just because I said that though doesn't mean I don't have an opinion. Yes, 20 years of marriage is a long time, especially without sex. But I think honesty is always the best thing, unless honesty would directly bring about harm to you or someone in your care. He deserves to know you're unhappy and you want to have sex with someone else, if you ever plan on being intimate with him again. And regardless of how long you've been married, if it's dead, bury it and move on. Loveless=lifeless and no amount of duty or guilt or whatever it is keeping you together will make it worth it in the end.

That said, you'll be fine. I too have a small mouth and am fairly tight. Unless something's really unusual, he'll fit. Get a good water-based lube (I'm assuming you'll use condoms since both of you have other partners involved in your life), don't get too anxious, and be willing to try out positions until you find something comfortable. If you're on top, you can control the depth better to start with.

As for blow jobs, there's a lot you can do with the "normal" length you're used to, and use your hands to help out with the extra inches. And with some experimentation you may find a way to accommodate more than you think you can . . the key is to get the passage of your mouth/throat as straight and in line as possible. I have a tiny mouth but can handle big cocks anyway, just watch your teeth and have some alternate moves planned when your jaw starts getting sore . . because it will. I find it easiest in the end to lay on my back and take my boyfriend upside down, with him doing most of the movement . . you can give him a show with your hands to watch at the same time. It requires a lot of trust, because he'll be in control, but it works well for me.